A Hardcore Hawk-Pilot Christmas
he starship pilot and his first mate walked down the winter street.
Pharf turned to the pilot, "Hey Talon, visiting a planet so far outside the normal starship lanes during a holiday is a great idea. Uh, what am I supposed to say?"
The pilot replied, "Lets see, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year."
Pharf looked over, "Oh yeah, and what's today?"
Talon smiled at his friend, "It's Christmas Eve, the 9th day of Hanukkah and 7 days until the new year. Pharf, did you exchange our galactic credits for the local, what're they called, dollars?"
Pharf replied, "Yeah I did but there was a transtator glitch, but I fixed the glitch."
Talon remembered the last time Pharf 'fixed the glitch', in the currency transtator, he smiled as they walked along.
The two starship-rogues walked past a statue that was sitting right in the middle of an intersection. It was a man sitting on a horse pointing to something in the distance.
"Hey Pharf, interesting place to put a major statue. Who is that?"
Pharf glanced up, "I'll look it up in my 'Galactic Guide to Interesting Cities on Backwater Planets.' It says that statue is either the Mayor, or no, maybe it's General Palmer the founder of the city."
"Who's the big fellow with 4 legs?"
"I'm not sure, but I think that's the mayor."
"He sure has a striking resemblance to the Mayor on Grimmera-Dexsilon IV."
"Sure does, uh Talon, isn't that the planet where politicians can only pass a law after they've plowed 40 hectares for new crops?"
Talon turned to his pal, "Yeah, only 14 laws on the books on the whole planet in 2 millennia. All in all an excellent system."
"Quite."
The space-rebels walked into an area with trees and past a sign that read 'City Park.'
About a third of the way through the park Pharf stoped, grabbed Talons arm, pointed and screamed, "Blackholes! That Gondax has that youngling in it's evil grip, it'll suck the brains right out of her ears, she's crying and she's in pain, can you hit it from here with your blaster before it commits its hideous deed?"
Talon closed one eye, cocked his head, flexed his fingers as he got ready to quick draw his blaster, and said "Yeah, I can take it out from here, but lets go check it out first."
Pharf gasped as the pilot walked up to the little girl with tears streaming down her cheeks. The star-fighter bent down and carefully reached for her head. Then he gently brushed the hair off her face and asked, "Hey kid, what's the matter?"
She snuffled at him,"The other kids ran away to the sledding hill and my sled's broken."
The star-scoundrel reached into his utility belt, brought out some duo-trivalent titanium all purpose starship engine adhesive and fixed the runner on her sled. Then he took a small box out of his jacket pocket, touched it to the little girls forehead, and stuck it to the front of the sled.
He smiled at her, "Hey kid,--- think...good...thoughts."
The sled rose about 2 inches above the ground. As it sped off to the sledding hill the girl looked around and aimed a 2-megaton-blast smile at the the star-ship captain. He waved at her knowing she would soon find out that she would never have to walk her sled uphill again and that the other kids would find it impossible to run away from her.
Pharf ran up to the pilot, "You didn't kill the Gondax ? !"
Talon gave his pal a lopsided grin, "Uh, it was earmuffs."
"Earmuffs! Wow, those earmuff beings looked exactly like the dreaded Gondax. You put a neural-net nucleonic personal repulsor on her vehicle didn't you? And you secured it to her snow-vehicle with starship duck tape. Some hardcore hawk-pilot you are."
Pharf looked across the street, "Hey Tal, that sign says, "Star" something. Come on lets go check it out, we're star-something kind of guys."
The star-rovers walked into the strange place. Talon smiled at the young lady behind the counter, "Hi, I'm Talon and this is my friend Pharf D'Ilatte, we were wondering what....."
The girl smiled directly at Pharf and shouted over her shoulder, "Two decaf latte! That'll be three-dollars please."
Pharf's eyes went nova-big, his eyebrows shot up his forehead, he gave her a goofy smile, and handed her five local-currency notes, "You are a most beautiful local being. Thanks, uh, thank you, please keep the additional amount as a gratuity. And oh yes, Marry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year!"
The coffee-girl smiled back in stunned confusion as she accepted the $497 tip.
Talon shot her a crooked grin, and a shrug, "Transtator glitch."
The star-ship outlaws sat, drank the magic-latte, watched the snow fall and the decorations light the street. Suddenly Pharf sat up straight.
"Tal, it is one of the ancient holy ones from Zarrnock, and its holiness is being carried into here by that human!"
Pharf raised his right hand, palm outward, 2nd and 3rd fingers parted in the ritual greeting to the holy being from the magical-mystery planet.
The symphony musician walked in, fresh from a performance of 'Tuba Christmas'. He saw Pharf and from behind the tuba said, "Yo dude, Merry Christmas, and live long and prosper to you."
Pharf turned to his fellow star-traveller, "The revered one has given me his most holy blessing, I must reciprocate." Pharf stretched his hand toward the ancient holy one, fire and ice shot from his fingers, gold lightning hit the tuba and crashed into the tuba player. He was stunned for only a nano-moment. He put the holy-one up to his lips and a most magnificent Christmas carol filled the espresso bar. He looked at the applauding crowd, smiled and knew, he was second-chair symphony tuba no more!
The star-outlaws walked outside where they bumped into man with long dirty hair, the stubble of beard, bloodshot eyes, and a coat that was torn, up both sides. It offered no warmth against the winter wind and snow.
The drunk mumbled at the sidewalk, "I fought in Viet Nam, when I got home, they spit on me. I worked hard but I've been laid-off from every job I ever had, and right now all I want is some change to buy some wine and kill a few more brain cells."
Talon looked into the brother star-warrior's eyes. He took off his flight jacket and held it out to the broken-warrior. The crumpled-warrior shook his head and gave the pilot a questioning look through disoriented eyes. Talon gave him a lopsided grin and nodded once. The crushed-warrior shrugged off the torn coat, reached out and slipped the leather flight jacket on.
Pharf aimed his duotronic-med computer at the nearly destroyed-warrior and flipped the switch.
The warrior felt the warmth of the leather jacket, the med-computer processed, beaten eyes began to clear. The glimmer of light Talon had seen began to brighten.
The warrior shook his head as the strangest thought struck him, 'I'm Sober? Straight?'
The warrior, of the poorly fought little political war, reached out his hand, "Thank you Talon Hawksblood."
Talon nodded and whispered, "Never give up," as the warrior walked away.
Pharf turned to his friend, stricken, "That was your favorite flight jacket, you've been wearing it ever since the galactic battle of..."
Talon flashed him a half smile, "Looked like he needed it Pharf."
The star-marines walked down the street. Just as they reached the window of the cookware store, Pharf doubled over in laughter, "Tal, look a spurfph-herder, from Om'egga and he's caught in that transparent silicon drinking vessel."
The star-pilot laughed too, "Uh, Pharf, on this planet I think they call him an egg spatula."
Just then an old man walked up to the star-desperados, " You boys need a place to stay. Our center can give you a free bed and a good meal on Christmas morning. We like to help boys who are a little down-and-out, like you."
Pharf turned to the star-pilot with a big smile, "Sure senior sir. Hey, Tal, think there's some more holiday stuff we can do?"
Talon nodded and gave his friend a wink and a lopsided smile.
