Reviewed by Mick
The Dead Baby Story
Reviewed by Mick
Don't be deceived by the title, The Dead Baby Story is not what it seems. What threatens to be a degenerative tale from some morbid mind, is surprisingly clean and refreshingly solid. Charlie Largent is a frustrated landlord who needs to collect his rent and finds out the hard way that some excuses are just too darn good!
The dead baby in this story is not a central part of the narrative. It is simply the central character in a yarn spun by a tenant that doesn't want to get evicted from their flat. The strength of this story is the remarkable, sad and VERY believable tale that Sally Johnson, the single mum on welfare, conjures to keep from being evicted.
I saw the eventual dispute with Sally coming a mile away, and I suspect most readers will. Being a little predictable does not detract from the story - it just makes you think to yourself "stupid, stupid man" for believing the story that was thrown at him. To be fair to Charlie, he manages to turn the tragic tale of this troublesome tenant into a positive and uses the story as a tool to prevent further troubles from his tenants in the future.
Despite being technically well written there are a couple of areas that the author might look at improvements. First up, one has to question the title. Although I'm not sure if it is a good idea or a bad one, I do know that it is misleading. Just as we are told in the story "He merely mentioned the title. Human nature being what it is, every tenant asked to be told the story". The title drew me in with a fascination - what sort of story could someone make out of a dead baby? Tentatively I was drawn in. I guess the author knows what he is doing, sacrificing relevancy for the sake of some pretty serious bait. Yet the author should also be aware that the title might draw the wrong audience who may quickly be turned away in soon realising they are not getting what they had hoped for. At the same time the title may turn away some readers who might actually enjoy the story.
The length of this story should also be brought into question. For a story to run some 4,000 words, it needs to be a relevant and necessary part of a "short" story. I would recommend that the author has a serious look at the beginning of the story. I don't think the meeting with the bank manager is necessary and is something that delays the *meat* of the narrative. The message conveyed here, one of desperate financial trouble, could be conveyed during the story, and in a matter of a few lines.
Having said the beginning of this story needs work, the ending doesn't. There is a nice message to be found here. Despite all the conflicts, money troubles, deception and lies - the embrace of a small child can make all our problems disappear.
Reviewed by © Mick
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