Reviewed by Sonia

The story attempts to build tension, and suspense, by placing an ordinary man in an extraordinary situation.

For characters to be believable they have to act consistently, even when they do unbelievable things, readers have to believe that is the course of action the character would take. James is both scared and exhilarated after (a) being shot at and (b) using a gun for the first time. His body would be coursing with adrenalin, but he wants to sleep. You lost me here.

I think the most important thing a writer can do is learn to trust the reader, to trust that the reader will understand the nuances, and intended tone, and to allow the writing to tell the story. The asides in this story (pretty childish, how spy-ish, just like in the movies) don�t mesh with a 38 year old narrator. If they are designed to add a bit of levity to the story, the writer has to have another look at the story, is it designed to build anticipation in the reader, or make them laugh? Is the reader meant to understand James or think his is a dick?

Despite all this the idea is good, it has potential, the word choices don�t quite support it, but that is what the drafting process is for. Besides this is my opinion, and I�ll bet plenty of people thought differently. Both Sameer & I would love to see your comments in the guestbook!!