Journey into the Unknown

im is full of himself�. These words still echo through my mind, seven months after seeing them spelled out on a �Ouija� board. It started so innocently, that December day in 1994.

Ruby arrived. Her usual effervescent self. A seventy-one year old eccentric English woman. Still hopefully looking for the ideal male companion. Ever the optimist after so many inadequate relationships and marriages.

�Have you ever used a Ouija board�? She asked. �No, nor have I any idea what it is�, I replied. Ruby and Willie set about cutting up an old Kellog�gs corn flakes box. A letter of the alphabet and the numbers 0-9 were written on each arrow shaped piece, plus two more pieces with the words �yes� and �no�. The letters were placed in a circle(alphabetically) with the words �yes and � no� at 12 o clock and 6 o clock. An upturned medium stemmed sherry glass was placed at the centre of the circle.

We each placed our first two fingers on the base of the glass and I cynically waited for nothing to happen. �This really works, I used to play it a lot in Spain, about ten years ago� said Ruby. Evidently sensing the unease and impatience growing in my posture. The glass slid across the table, stopping momentarily at each of the letters �Jim is full of himself�. Strange!! I did not suspect that either Ruby or Willie pushed the glass to those letters. I felt immediately affronted to think that a stranger could be so rude to me. �Jim likes fucking� was the next message. Embarrassed we said, no more of that language and got the response �Get fucked�. What does Ruby like? We asked. �Ruby likes nothing�. Fair enough says Ruby I really did not enjoy sex during my life.

We continued playing the board for another hour, the original messenger did not return. In his place were many other callers. Some so young the words made little sense. Some were male, some female. One who died in the thirteenth century, one who died in the sixteenth century. It became obvious from what was told to us that they had all died unexpectedly.

Skeptical but still intensely curious we finished playing the board. Ruby, on leaving, insisted that we promise never to play the board solo. Always have at least two present, be ever careful of the glass, sometimes it moves violently and never, never let it fall off the table. This final advice, of course, only further intensified the mystery surrounding the Ouija board.

A final wave of goodbye to Ruby and the board was very quickly re-established on the table. Fingers on the glass �Is anyone there who wishes to speak to us?�, we expectantly asked. It (glass) moved to Yes. Further questioning revealed that this was the original messenger. He! kept his dialogue to strictly sexual topics and hard as we tried we could not divert his interest into other areas. We tired of this, so Willie went off to work in the garden, I to prepare the evening meal. The pull to the board became irresistible and back I went, to play it by myself.

More sex talk, intrigued, I decided to play along. �Show me your cock Jim�. I did,(thinking what nonsense is this, I must have a perverted mind) �I want to play with it Jim, can I come to your bed tonight?�. �Of course�, I said knowing full well that this nonsense would soon explain itself. However hearing Willie approaching, I quickly packed the board away, feeling embarrassed with what I had just said to the Spirit of the Glass.

It was time to retire and I was standing at the kitchen counter having a last cigarette for the day. Various bits and pieces lay on the counter viz, a cigarette lighter, a small pair of nail scissors, a knife, etc. When I moved my outstretched fingers to within an inch of any of these items, they would rotate and point at my finger. Puzzled, off I went to bed.

(Note. At this stage I want to make it perfectly clear that this narrative is not intended to be pornographic in content. I am simply telling it as it happened).

Lying in bed and slowly drifting off to sleep, I began to feel slight movements around my genitalia. It felt as if a feather duster or a beard? was lightly brushing my testicles. This continued for a few minutes and Yes it did have an arousal effect on me. Slowly my legs were pushed apart. The feeling was unmistakable, I was being entered, but somehow, I find it difficult to explain it was not physical. This lasted for about a minute. My last conscious thought for the night being, I will have to get to the board in the morning and ask what is happening to me.

The next morning Willie departed for Sydney on a business trip. He expected to return in two weeks. After dropping Willie off at the airport I stopped off at the local shopping centre. Walking along the arcade towards the supermarket I noticed a shop that sold items relating to the �occult�. Goodness knows how many times I had passed this shop in the past without my attention being drawn to it. I stopped to look in the shop window and there prominately displayed was a colorful box, about eight inches square, called �The Magic Circle�. I realised immediately that here was a commercial �Ouija� board. In my eagerness to buy the board I did not even enquire its price. I think the price was around twenty five dollars. Shopping hastily completed, I rushed home to try out this new wonder.

The board was a kaleidoscope of colour. All the letters of the Alphabet, Numbers 0 - 9, Segments with Yes, No, Wait, Near, Far, North, South, East, West, All the signs of the Zodiac and many other symbols that did not make sense to me. The object that was to move around the board was a

piece of smooth green glass about two inches in diameter and half an inch thick. The instructions recommended invoking a prayer before beginning to play the Magic circle. I cannot remember the invocation exactly, but it basically asked the Spirits of the Universe to bring Knowledge and Light to those who now wished to explore the mysteries of this realm.

As I placed my fingers on the glass little did I realise that the door was about to open. The glass spelled out 45 and then my age 59, then to the segments Travel and North. I asked what this meant but received no response. Now other forces began to influence the movement of the glass..

(from now on I shall refer to these forces:for want of a better term: as spirits)

..As the glass sped around the board spelling out messages from the many Spirit callers it soon became obvious that their only interest in me was of a sexual nature. Be the Spirit male or female (they would always give a name to introduce themselves) they always asked if they could do some explicit sexual act with me. Try as I could I could not make contact with any Spirit who would talk rationally to me. Frustrated I packed the board away for the day. However a feeling remained around my genitalia, not pronounced, but reminding me that a Presence was with me.

I became obsessed with the board, desperately searching for answers to, life after death. One morning, trying to change the direction of the Spirit messages, I asked �Have I got a Soul Mate?�.

Immediately came the response, "Go Pool". What a ridiculous thing to do, I thought. Again the message �Go Pool�. Feeling absolutely foolish off I went and stood looking down into the water of the swimming pool. The pool became agitated, no ripples, but as if some force was moving through the water. Then it calmed and a figure formed itself on the bottom of the pool. The figure was of a woman, holding in her right hand a round globe like object pressed to her right breast. It struck me as being of saintly content. This quite amazed me but rationality prevailed and I was able to convince myself that the floor of the pool being made of Pebble Crete my imagination could create any image on its surface. Much the same as when you can make all sorts of shapes out of passing clouds.

I returned to the board and I was greeted with �You have a son James�. Yes, I know I have three sons. �No James you have a son born in New Guinea you can help him�. OH! how the years tumbled away as I recalled how cowardly I acted when I lived in Rabaul in the late 1950�s. My Islander girl friend wrote me a letter saying she was pregnant. I panicked,(being twenty two I did not want any responsibility) rang my Head Office in Port Moresby and flew out of Rabaul the next morning.

May I speak with my son? �Yes�. I apologised to him for what I had done. His answers tallied with the dates I was in New Guinea. He was two years old when his mother killed him, he did not know why she did this to him. His mother was still alive, fifty six years old and still living happily in Rabaul.

I said a prayer for him, I do not know from where the words came, I simply asked God to cease my son�s restlessness and allow him to rest in peace. My son thanked me and left. I tried subsequently to contact him but was told �No James you cannot talk to him again, He is at peace�.

Conversations still continued with the sexually orientated Spirits. However the one who always introduced himself as 45 now said I could call him Huggy. He said he had died in New York in 1989 of Aids. He was married with one daughter. He hated the man who gave him Aids and wanted me to go to New York and kill the bastard. Then another message came, �Beware of Huggy�, what can I do I asked, �Just be aware� was the reply.

Now whenever a Spirit introduced sex I would simply say, You are dead, sex has no meaning for you, throw away the shackle�s that are binding you to the earth, go now and rest. This may seem to you a strange thing for me to say; over the previous few days I had begun to get a basic understanding of the Spirit world. All of those I made contact with had died without having had a chance to fulfil lifes� purpose. They had died violently either by accident or murder, or by disease, Aids, Syphilis, etc. It was as if they could not accept their death and hovered around in an earthly plane hoping to attach themselves to an earthly person. I was told there is no such thing as re-incarnation. A Spirit attaches itself to a human being�s aura and through this attachment can influence a person�s thoughts through their sub-conscious mind.

After saying this homily the Spirits would thank me and say they would now protect me. Huggy however would have none of this and still persisted with pointing to the segments Travel and North. At last the penny dropped, I looked closely at the board and realised that the North segment was pointing to my body. He wanted to travel with me in my body. This I firmly rejected.

My two brothers and their wives arrived for a Sunday Bar-B-Q. The meal was somehow squeezed in between playing the board. Huggy refused to co-operate at first, not allowing any other Spirits to talk to us. He would say ridiculous things like, �A rose for Monica�, etc. He finally departed. We made contact with those of our family who had passed away. Mother, Father, Grandmother, Grandfather, Brother. No meaningful messages were passed on, they seemed content to convince us who they were, by reminding us of meaningful events that occurred whilst they were alive and assuring us of their now happy state.

My relations departed, showing obvious scepticism. I was now more firmly convinced of the existence of a Spiritual awareness after death. Was it the Soul?. I now needed to speak to someone who would offer a compassionate ear. I rang Ruby and asked her to spend the weekend with me.

One afternoon relaxing on the back verandah, enjoying a beer, I heard a voice. I cannot remember what was said in the initial contact. It is difficult to explain, as if I was talking to myself but someone else, not me, was answering my questions. For instance; At this time Ruby was trying to sell her mobile home. I was thinking, I wonder if Ruby will sell her home soon. The Voice replied Ruby will sell her house before April for $48500. My Sister-in-Law rang, concerned about her daughter who had recently separated from her husband. She will have no problem, Carmel (the daughter) will be offered a job in Rockhampton and will be happy there, the voice advised. So it went on, here I was being given all this unasked-for advice.

Travelling on a bus to meet Willie and Ted (a Friend from Scotland who was holidaying with us for six weeks) at the Twin Towns Services Club I became aware of a rocking movement in my lower abdomen. It felt like the action of a pendulum. Then a different Voice said; �This is the sign of a sinful man�. My stomach then felt a different movement, a figure of eight lying on its side (the sign of eternity)? this was the course the sensation took as it traced its way across my stomach. The Voice said �This is the sign of a sinful but good man�. Next the sensation moved to my chest, I breathed deeply and my chest expanded to its fullest. The Voice said �This is the sign of a good man�. My spirits soared. I felt as if I was being comforted by forces unknown.

Ruby arrived and off we went, straight into the mysteries of the Ouija board. All day was spent at the board with only short breaks for meals. The Spirit callers were as before, of all ages and sex. Some would talk of the manner their death and when and where they died. The majority of them used sex as an introduction to talk to us; These, we attempted to help by trying to convince them of their futility in trying to remain attached to the earthly plane. They would thank us for our help and say they were now protecting us.

Ruby was trying to contact her deceased brother. A brother she held in little regard during his life. She thought however that he had been dis-honest with their mothers" possessions after her death. All attempts to contact him failed. We were simply told that he was in another place, the intimation being a place of damnation.

Another Spirit messenger, �Jim remember the conch shell�. Scratching my brain, the memory returned, of course, the white conch shell sitting on the porch outside the back door at my grandmother's house. I believed I was now talking to my grandmother. �Jim ring Ron he needs your help�. Ron was an uncle, a man with whom I had little contact throughout my life. I knew he had been hospitalized somewhere in Sydney. Telling grandma several times that I did not know how to contact him always met with the same response �Jim ring Ron�. I pondered for several minutes and the thought struck me, instead of ring think of halo, halo to me conjures up images of goodness, saintliness. Does she mean Pray for Ron. �Yes Jim� was the response and then she left.

It was about eleven P.M, deep in concentration, working the board, when Ruby screamed with such ferocity that chills ran up and down my back and neck. She was pointing to the wall behind my head a look of absolute terror on her face. My back and neck tingling with fear I slowly turned my head fully expecting some monster or demon to be confronting me. What did I see?; just an enormous black cockroach sitting on the wall watching us? Ruby probably did not deserve the verbal abuse I then threw at her, but my body tingled with fear and rage. We stood up so as to hastily dispatch the cockroach. I removed a slipper and it moved a little further along the wall. I hit the wall where it was and it flew straight at me. We searched for five minutes but could not find the supposedly by now dead cockroach. We gave our attention back to the board, but now after the last fracas we were both tired. We were about to remove our fingers from the glass when it moved and spelled out �You hit me, Go cake tin�. Who are you?. �Rat� was the reply. I did not want to go to the cake tin, I was still in a state of fear. �Go cake tin� it insisted. Reluctantly I removed the cake tin from the pantry, gingerly took off the lid and inside was a putrefying mass. The cake could not have been in the tin for longer than a week, this putrid mass was unexplainable. Anxious looks between Ruby and me, a hurried Goodnight and off we went to our beds.

As I was drifting off to sleep a feeling of absolute terror took hold of my body. My whole body was being convulsed. Involuntarily my outstretched arm began moving in a wide circle over my body. I prayed with a fervour from the depths of my very being. GOD HELP ME OH DEAR GOD HELP ME. The terror subsided, I flew out of bed and ran down the hall to Ruby�s room. Poor Ruby, she was obviously shocked by my sudden dramatic appearance at the side of her bed. With ever widening eyes she listened as I said, �Ruby I think something is trying to come into my body, possess me, watch me closely in the morning, if you think I am acting out of character please get a Priest�. Rationality returned after about fifteen minutes chatting with Ruby and now feeling composed, off I went to bed. It was about 2 a.m.

I could not sleep. Names would come to my mind, Sons, Daughter, Friends, Relations. With each name their future was laid out before me. Laid out is not quite correct, It was more like thumped out into my brain. In tune with each heart beat the chronological path of each person was revealed to me. This continued until about five in the morning. Unable to take any more I got out of bed and lay on the lounge, dozing, until Ruby got up about eight o clock.

The morning passed quietly, no OUIJA board today. Friends arrived after lunch. It was what I needed, relaxing, talking trivia, languishing by the pool. Ruby left after afternoon tea. Anxiously, I told my friends what had happened to me the previous night. The incredulity in their eyes told me that they thought I was bordering on madness. I waved them good-bye around 4.30 P.M. Alone in the house, I felt relaxed. I settled down with a beer on the back verandah and commenced quietly rationalising the confusion in my mind.

The terror returned. Shaking, I prayed. Then a VOICE �James say these words, say them twice so you do not forget them. �I LOVE YOU JESUS SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD�. I said the words three times. The terror left me. Thank GOD I thought as I rushed for another beer from the fridge. Relaxing once more an ominous Voice pounded into my brain �Look at the Lagoon (there is a large lagoon just off my back verandah, it is about half an acre in area)you C---, you will see the forces of evil about to descend on you. The waters of the Lagoon churned up. I began shaking, then a VOICE �James say your prayer�. I said my prayer � I LOVE YOU JESUS SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD� three times and once more the terror left me. The VOICE said �James you will have one more attack such as that; You will be unaware of it; It will occur at 4 A.M and you will be sleeping".

Feeling reassured I finished my beer and commenced preparing my evening meal. Two fish fillets in the pan sizzling away when again came the VOICE and the terror �You have no protection�. I switched off the stove and fled from the house. Praying, as I drove over to the house of the friends who had visited me that afternoon. A couple of Scotchs� settled me down. After a light meal I went off to bed and thankfully had an un-interrupted and restful nights sleep.

I returned home. The first thing I did was to make a chain with a cross attached to it. I made it out of tie wire, the type of wire we use to tie around plastic bags garbage bags, etc. I wore this around my neck. Then I fashioned a cross out of two sticks. I then walked into each room of the house, holding the cross out in front of me, saying, �In the name of Jesus I demand all evil forces leave this place�. The OUIJA board was placed inside three garbage bags, tied securely and then thrown into the garbage bin.

The terror did not return. Although I was too afraid to turn the lights out when I went to bed. I would try to watch television throughout the night but from sheer exhaustion I would eventually fall asleep. However through all this time the sexual attention I received from goodness knows where did not cease. The Voices also never ceased. They were never ominous but becoming more frustrating to have to live with day after day. I now could not rationalise with myself, always there would be an �interruption� giving unasked for advice.

I needed help; I rang the Catholic churches at Nerang and Merridown parishes. From both I received much the same advice, viz There is no such thing as Possession of the body, Satan has had no influence since the time of Jesus, Bless you my son and good-bye.

Willie returned from his Sydney trip. I now felt more secure. The following weekend we went along to an exhibition of the OCCULT at the Gold Coast Showgrounds. Thousands of people attended. I could not comprehend the extent of this occultism. Taro people, Crystals, Palm readers, Aura photographers, it just went on and on. All my life I had been unaware of this attachment to mysticism by so many people.

Maybe a Taro person could help me, I thought. I searched the faces and settled on a person who had kindly, piercing black eyes. I told him my problem. He told me to relax and close my eyes. He worked with me for about ten minutes, there was no physical contact, I was conscious of my head moving involuntarily in upward and downward movements. When he finished he said my mind had been opened to the Universe, I had passed through the door, I would never be able to return through the door. I would always receive �Interruptions�. The best way for me to deal with the �Interruptions� was to simply observe. I think this man belonged to the OSHU sect. The sect that received notoriety from its leader the BAGWAN.

So the days passed, coping as best I could with the confusions existing in my disturbed mind. One morning I was carrying some rocks up to the house from the back paddock (Willie had started to build a fish pond in one of the verandah alcoves), when a new VOICE introduced itself. �James there are three paths to Heaven:

The Righteous Path. Taken by those who have devoted their whole life and being to the goodness of GOD.

The Non-Righteous Path. Taken by those who feel they are doing good to others but stumble along life�s path of broken Ideals. An example is the present Pope.

The Simple Path. Taken by those who know of no GOD but love and respect their fellow man.

In wonder I asked who are you? Are you my Soulmate?. Are you my guide? Are you my Mother?, Grandmother?. I exhausted my brain trying to find out who this was. To each enquiry I was answered �No James�. Eventually I stumbled on to it, �Yes James that is who I am, I am your Holy Spirit. After death there is a State of Un-certainty; A State of Rest; and a State of Peace. There can be no Light without Darkness, no Darkness without Light. You have passed through the door into the Light, you are with us now. Have no fear. Your path has been set�.

This message should have re-assured me, but it only increased my confusion. I now had two opposing forces whizzing around in my mind. The Light? And the Dark?. OH! Thank GOD I thought, for having this job at Council, the work kept my mind fully occupied during the day, not allowing any Voices to intrude. Had it not been for this job I think that I would now be wasting away in an Asylum for the insane.

Religion has not been a part of my life since my early teenage years, so I was surprised to be now hearing messages about Jesus. Jesus was a simple man chosen by GOD to be his messenger. He was born in 4 B.C to Mary in the town of Bethlehem. Mary had two more children to Joseph, both boys, one born in 0 A.D and the other born in 8 A.D in Bethsaida. Jesus had an uneventful early life simply helping his father with his carpentry work. Around the age of twenty seven he became GOD�S mouthpiece and so his mission began. His mission was not easy, he had to establish credibility with the people and those that followed him. To help him GOD gave Jesus the power of Healing and the power of the Word. Words so profound they have withstood the corruption of two millennia. His task was all the more difficult as he also had to contend with the Powers of Darkness. His last words bear witness to his struggle between Light and Dark �Father why hast thou forsaken me�. The crux throughout his mission was his beloved John. The preceding words are a precis of that which was told to me.

My despair deepened, one force affecting my body another force affecting my soul. I went to Mass and after Mass I waited to speak with the Priest. We went to the Presbertry and spoke for two hours. He was compassionate to me, both accepting and rejecting some of that which I told to him. He prayed with me and for me. The Priests� name was Mark. Over the next few months he was my inspiration. To my ears he was God�s mouthpiece. If I had a problem rationalising with the divergent Voices, his Homily at the Wednesday and Sunday Masses always had a message that pointed me in the right direction.

I started to read the Bible. This has given me some difficulty, as the passages I have been pointed to raise more questions than they solve. Matthew 19.11, Is Jesus showing his acceptance of Homosexuality?. Was Paul influenced by Darkness as well as Light from the Visions he experienced?. These are but a few of the questions raised in my mind. I think I was meant to realise that the profoundness of �GOD�S Words� was not in question but that some corruption existed in their interpretation. The �Word� is the rock, but the world needs a new direction.

Surprising; If you study a time scale of our recent civilisation you will see that something of significance has occurred at five hundred year intervals. Moses, Solomon, Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, Saint Gregory, John Calvin. Circa 2000???.

This then is my position as I enter the eighth month of my journey. My mind is still an open OUIJA board. For the last two months I have been seeing a �Light� in the night sky. I feel that my journey is coming to an end. It will end in Insanity or in Enlightenment. GOD help me.

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