Reviewed by Robert
The Mouse and The Wheel
Reviewed by Robert
The Mouse and The Wheel. This story has a good idea imbedded in an overlong piece. The biggest let down was the inconsistancy of the writing. At times the author would break into meaningless tangents that only slowed rather progressed the story. Though some readers may like this I found it annoying. Another major point for the author to consider is the use of the correct terms when refering to technology. Surfing the net is far different than playing a VR game. Likewise the internet is an incorrect term to what is going on here. Research your terms so that when you use them they are more than just words and say something about the characters and the story.
Give this piece a good three re-writes until you can find some regular flow. Develop your main character so his motivations are stronger and believable, the ending is very predictable and also meaningless. There is no impact to tell the reader something important has just occured. Read some William Gibson and Neal Stephenson two very different cyber punk writers but two who write the genre well. Good effort. Keep writing, keep developing your skill and one day your story will support the ideas you have.
Reviewed by © Robert
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