Reviewed by Robert

From the very beginning of this story I felt something wasn't quite right and as I reached the end I was correct in my feelings. The first problem I discovered was a point of view one. This piece shifts several times making it difficult for the reader to like or dislike any of the characters. The story in my opinion (not always a good one) started in the wrong place and it finnished where I though it could have started. In its favour is that has an interesting idea (though dated) with characters that are well suited to the theme. The writing in general is good but a little staid. Suggestion: Start closer to the end of this story and fill in the earlier episodes with back story, have your character become a guardian. This way you deal with inner conflict, good overcomes evil, conflicts based on doubt can be dispelled and the love interest would round it all out nicely.