Reviewed by Jack

A girl recalls all the events before "The Race." The narrator tells us about a young girl who struggles to do well in this big race she is in, competing against others, and all that entails along with it.

The story moved too fast, especially in the beginning. The author cascades through the description and rushes the scenes along too rapidly for the reader to get a clear, concise image of what's going on. I also found some mistakes. For example:
"threw into my Cross Country attire." Shouldn't it be, "got into my Cross Country attire?" The author also uses such description as, "some other guy." Sentences should be elongated, fleshed and more drawn out. Describe what "some other guy" looked like. What was he wearing? Describe him physically.

The past and present tenses also shifted a bit here. Take, for example, this line, "Oh well, too late now." The story is told from the runners point of view as if she were remembering what had happened. This line breaks that rule. And there were a few spelling mistakes like "begining" but nothing to gasp over.

Over all, I found the story to be very factual, interesting and enlightening. With a little bit of Murphy's Oil Soap and some elbow grease, this story would be polished and sparkling when a re-write is complete. I can see "The Race" being much longer....