Walking Odie
die scratched on the front door, and then turned around and looked at me with pain in his eyes. I
just woke up and walked out of our bedroom. I yawned and stretched. Odie saw me standing there,
staring at him stupidly, so he scratched the door, looked around at me again, and added a little
crying sound. As slow as my brain was in the morning, I knew it could only mean one thing.
"Hey, I just got up, Odie. Give me a chance to have some coffee first, huh?"
Odie followed me to the kitchen and sat by the counter, staring at me as I boiled water. Odie was a cute little dog, fuzzy brown, about ten inches high, a little more than a foot long, maybe 15 pounds soaking wet. He was also intelligent, high strung, and used to getting his way. He was my daughter's dog; she left him with us when she went out of town a week ago.
When the pot whistled, I poured boiling water into my cup, added instant coffee, sugar and milk, and took my first sip.
"Look, I know you're staring at me, Odie. I'm going to take you out, just not this minute."
"All right. I can wait."
I almost sprained my neck from the double take I did. I rubbed by eyes, cleared out the wax in my ears, and looked down.
"What?" I asked.
I knew it had to be some trick. I searched around the kitchen, looked around corners, peeked into empty rooms - nothing. I tiptoed back into our bedroom; my wife was still sound asleep. There was only Odie and me and one sleeping beauty in the house. I must have imagined what I heard.
Odie was back by the front door, scratching. This time he had his leash in his mouth.
"Okay, Pal. Let's go.," I said, bending down, strapping on his leash and harness to his little fuzzy brown body.
I unlocked the front door and Odie leaped out. It was another beautiful summer morning in South Florida. The sun was shining, the grass was a bright green from the previous rain, and the mosquitoes were blood-thirsty.
I knew the routine - first stop, palm tree in the front yard. Odie raised his leg, and the first deposit was made. Joking, I said, "This is Odie territory!"
"That's right, Pal!" was the reply.
I looked around again. We lived on a 5 acre ranchette, so there were no neighbors playing tricks. It was just Odie and me and the mosquitoes. I slapped at one who grew bold enough to land on my arm.
"Look, I don't know what's going on here, but you ain't that smart, doggie."
No answer. Odie walked down to where my car was parked and anointed the tires.
"Why the tires? Always the tires." I asked.
No answer. I shrugged and smacked another mosquito.
"Odie, let's get a move on it. They're really biting this morning," I urged.
"If you had some hair on that bald body, you wouldn't have the problem."
"What?" I questioned back.
No answer.
Odie walked over to his favorite place, by the bank of our pond, and sniffed the ground in earnest.
"Yeah, this is the spot. You know it's the spot. You've done it here the last six mornings in a row. Squat down and do your business, so we can get back in the house," I said. Odie started to squat, changed his mind, and stood up.
"Don't rush me."
A mosquito got me, right on the back of my exposed calf. I slapped it a moment too late.
"There you go! Look at that! It was full of blood. My blood," I complained.
"If you keep rushing me, it's going to take longer."
"Yeah, well, you're going to have to hold it in for a while, Mr. Finicky, cause now I have to go to the bathroom," I said, dragging Odie back to the house. I left him outside, tied to the front doorknob, while I went inside to do my business. I reheated my cup of coffee, and grabbed the paper on the way to the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, I went back outside. Odie was sitting down. There was a pile of his handiwork a foot away, in the middle of our front porch.
"What's that?!" I yelled angrily.
"What does it look like? I couldn't wait anymore."
"Now I have to clean it up!" I complained.
"You can leave it there. I won't mind. Actually, I'm kind of proud of it."
"Yeah right," I said. I went inside and got a broom and swept it over to the grass.
I unhooked Odie from the doorknob and opened the front door.
"Where are you going?"
"Back inside," I answered.
"I'm not finished."
"There's more?" I asked.
"What was there about 'not finished' that you didn't understand?"
We began again. I steered him over to the palm tree. Odie walked passed it, so I pulled him back.
"Well?" I asked.
"I already did this one."
"Oh, excuse me!" I said.
I walked passed my car, but Odie stopped short near the right front tire. He sniffed it a few times, and raised his leg.
"You already did this one, too," I remarked.
"Yeah, but it's a tire!" I guess that explained something.
We walked over to his favorite patch by the pond. Odie stopped, sniffed, and walked on. I shrugged and followed.
Delilah, our cat, appeared in the driveway. Odie started pulling me towards her.
"Now what?" I asked.
"Just one bite."
"No." I maintained.
"I have to!"
"No!" I pulled Odie back, and he struggled against me. I pull him harder, and still he struggled against me. Finally, I yanked back and he tripped and fell over.
"You shouldn't have done that in front of her!"
"I said no two times. What was there about the word 'no' you didn't understand?" I asked.
Odie got back up and resumed our walk. I got bit again by a huge mosquito.
"Okay, that's it. You have exactly one minute," I said, scratching the already swelling bump.
Odie squatted down, and I could hear him grunting and exerting himself. Nothing. More exertion, still nothing. He turned around and looked at me, and let out some gas. We were outside, surrounded by fresh air and pine trees, and he was less than 15 pounds, but it was still a real stinker.
"Same to you, pal," I said, dragging him back to the house.
Once inside, I took off Odie's harness. As soon as the leather strap was free, he rushed into the house, his paws slipping and sliding on the tile floor. He ran to the family room on one end, then back to the living room where I was, on the other end, making grunting sounds. He made a wide circle and did it again.
"Why do you do that?" I asked.
"Because I'm happy. Aren't you happy after you go to the bathroom?"
"Not that happy," I commented.
I went into the kitchen and started breakfast. I would be eating alone this morning. It was Sunday, and my wife informed me last night she was sleeping in and was NOT to be disturbed. While the bread was toasting, before I scrambled the eggs, I fixed Odie his dog food.
"Look what I get, and look what you get," he remarked.
"So? I asked.
"Let me have some of yours."
"Get a job, and then you can have some of mine."
Odie cleaned his bowl in two minutes.
"If it's so bad, why did you lick the plate clean?" I asked.
"I was hungry." He walked away.
Just as I was sitting down to eat breakfast, Odie came strutting up to me with his leash in his mouth.
"No way, Pal. I just sat down," I said, glancing down.
"I gotta go."
"My eggs will get cold."
"Okay, I'll go on the floor."
"You do, and you'll be one sorry doggie," I threatened.
Odie started to squat.
"Hey!" I yelled.
"I gotta go."
"Okay! Wait a minute!" I got up and put a dish over my dish, hoping it would keep warm while I was out.
"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?" I informed him.
No answer.
Once outside, it was the palm tree, the car, and the pond again.
"Again, the same routine," I commented.
"So?"
"I wouldn't want to be a dog," I said.
"I wouldn't want to be a human."
"Yeah, right." I commented.
"You're not happy."
"What do you mean I'm not happy? I have a better life than you," I argued.
"Yeah, right."
"I do!" I maintained.
"Hold that thought. I gotta pee."
I waited like a dummy while Odie sniffed around a tall weed, chewed on it, swallowed a little and then made choking sounds. Finally, he raised his leg.
"Okay, why do you think you have a better life than me?" I asked.
"Your life is too complicated."
"At least it's my life. I don't have to wait for someone to walk me and feed me."
"I don't have to wait when your daughter is around."
"So?" I commented.
"She loves me."
"So?" I commented again.
"Don't say so. That's important."
"Well, she should be here soon," I said, glancing at my watch.
"Thank God."
"What! I'm so bad?" I asked.
"You're no fun to be around."
"I am fun!" I maintained.
We walked along silently for a while. Odie was lost in the scents of our property, and I was lost in thought.
I thought about my life. When you got down to it, I was just as much a creature of habit as Odie was. I was just as dependent on people for my needs as he was. Another person created the food I ate, another person made sure we had water flowing in our pipes, and another person made sure my toilets were working.
And yet, I didn't run around happy, after I did anything. I didn't feel a simple joy and express it.
"Odie is right," I thought to myself.
"Of course I'm right."
"Shut up!" I said angrily.
We went back to the house. I unleashed Odie and he ran around the house once, grunting and happy, and then came back and sat down in front of me.
"Why not?" I thought.
Together, Odie and I ran around the house, grunting and happy. I chased him from the den back into the living room, and back again, and again, and again, until I was out of breath and laughing. It was silly. It was childish. It was fun.
I was sitting on the couch, petting Odie, who was lying next to me, when the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, Odie jumped into my daughter's arms. She hugged him, and he licked her face.
"Hi, Dad," she said, hugging me, finally.
"Hi, honey."
"Where's Mom?"
"Sleeping."
"Then I won't wake her. How was Odie? A handful?"
"No, he was fine," I said. We walked around the house, picking up his bowl, his little bed, and his play toys.
"Anything unusual I should know about?" she asked.
"Aside from him talking, no."
"Yeah, it almost seems like he can do that, doesn't' it?" she said, bending down and strapping on his harness.
"Yes it does," I agreed.
"Well, thanks again for watching him, Dad."
"It was my pleasure," I said honestly.
She hugged me again, and left. Before I closed the door, Odie smiled back at me and winked.
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