A Test of Will

ow in my twilight years it is time to tell you the story of what once happened to me. Only my wife knows, as I told her years ago. Because of my odd complexion, my children have always wondered, and offered their many guesses, but I have not answered them. They have seen that my skin cannot be touched. This mystery tonight I will reveal what happened to me so long ago.

"I was once traveling home from Severia, that ancient city, and was running low on supplies. My horse was fatigued. Do you remember Jiere, my dear? My old horse? Yes, I have asked you that many times. I did love that old horse. Well, I was quite hungry also. So when a small town on the side of the road appeared, I was glad, and stopped. What is the name? I don't remember. It's not there anymore; it's of little importance to me now.

"I left my horse at the stables, and gave the boy some pennies to feed her. Then I headed next door. It had the sign out front, reading "Dylien's Guesthouse". I saw through the front windows that there was also a small restaurant inside, so I entered.

"Upon entering, I thought since the place was empty that it was closed. I turned to leave, but the voice of an old woman halted me. `Stay,' she said brusquely. I turned and saw a troll-like old woman beside the counter, her eyes fixed upon me distrustfully. I smiled uncomfortably and sat down quickly at the nearest table. `We have a stew today. You will like,' the lady said. I agreed immediately in order to get her to return to the kitchen and give me a chance to breathe freely.

"I ate the old troll's stew. It was quite good, I must say. When I sat back, the troll removed my plate and asked me if I wanted coffee. I agreed happily. It had been days since I tasted real coffee.

"In the old woman's absence, the first of many strange things happened. I took out my pouch and rolled a cigarette. I placed it into my mouth, and put back the pouch. Leaning back to light it, I was struck dumb by the presence before me of a young lady. (Very, very beautiful.) She stared me straight in the face. I held the match to the box, frozen. She said (and in a beautiful voice, too), `Aren't you going to light your cigarette?'

"`Why, oh...yes,' I said, and lighted it. In that short time, she had sat herself down, without my noticing. I puffed away, staring at her. I was about to ask her how she moved so quickly when she began to speak again.

"`You are a stranger here?'

"`Yes,' I answered.

"`Where are you from?'

"`I come from a small town to the north. It is near Laudatia.'

"`Oh?' She seemed quite pleased.

"At that time, the old woman returned, carrying a cup and saucer. She placed it down before me, and paused. Slowly, she looked over at the young lady. Her face changed from calm to terror. Her fingers rose to her lips, trembling. `Not today, please,' she said, and continued to repeat, as she withdrew. She, backing away, walked into a table. She then turned and fled into the back rooms.

"I looked at the young woman at my table, and asked, `What has happened?'

"`You don't know her. She's really quite crazy,' she answered.

"She responded such with a pleased look on her face, as if she found the troll's insanity humorous.

"`Let us leave here now,' she insisted.

"`But I haven't paid,' I objected heatedly. `And I need supplies.' Really, it was a kind of begging I was doing. But it was useless, as she had me completely in her spell.

"`Come,' she said, and I followed.

"Outside now, we went over to the stables. I looked about, and could not see my horse. `Where is my horse?' I demanded the stable boy to tell me, but he stood motionless, looking one moment at me, and the next at the young lady. She had since climbed upon a horse of her own. `Where's my Jiere?' I was in a panic.

"`Climb up here, and I will take you to where you can get another horse,' she said, again smiling in her peculiar, bewitching manner.

"`But I want my own horse,' I said again. The boy looked as if he were too scared to answer me. `What's going on here? Where the hell is my horse?'

"Now, after much complaining, and much wondering at my horse's whereabouts, I agreed to go with the young lady. For what reason, I truly cannot tell you. I was simply drawn to her. I climbed onto the back of her horse. From that moment on, I forgot all. My horse and my trip, and where I was going were all forgotten. In that young woman's presence, with her hair in my face, my arms around her thin waist, I was in bliss.

"The two of us rode through the countryside for a few miles. It was autumn, and the trees shed their brown and yellow leaves, showering us as we moved under their high and wide limbs. On the way, she had told me her name: Saara. I was falling in love with her, a victim of her powerful charm.

"At the end of a long road, we came to a large estate. A mansion rose up from behind a tall brick wall. Through the iron gate ahead, I could see the poorly groomed grounds of the inner yard. We arrived there, and dismounted.

"A young man, shirtless and muscular, accepted the reins from the young lady. He said to her, `Your father is outdoors again.'

"She suddenly screamed at him, `You idiot! Why did you let him out?'

"The young man lowered his head and said quietly, `I could not stop him. He is very forceful today.'

"She exhaled loudly and dismissed the boy. `Please come in and I will help you, after I retrieve Father,' she said kindly to me. Her face was again that of the temptress, and I was relieved.

"Inside the gate I saw something that to this day I still can see clearly in my mind. It was the most amazing sight I have ever beheld. In the yard was an old man, the father she had spoken of. He stood before a dust devil. Do you know what that is? It is a small tornado that whips up dirt and spins it through the air. Well, he was laughing and gesturing. The spinner seemed to follow the commands of his gestures.

"The young lady was apparently upset at this sight. She walked over to him and yelled, `Father, stop this immediately!' He looked at her, and the little tornado sputtered, and began to falter. `Just a little longer,' the old man pleaded. Her response was, `No!' The old man dropped his arms and the spinner dissipated. The dust it had stirred up drifted off in a cloud with the breeze.

"`See how you have weakened yourself?' She was very concerned for the old man. `Rodolion! Bring the master inside, and put him in his chair!' The young man appeared from the front of the house, and did as she instructed.

"She led me inside, as well. Rodolion sat the old man down in a plush armchair, and the girl put a thick cover over him. The old man now seemed very weak. `You should be resting, Father, not playing your games out of doors,' she scolded again. `You have at last gotten far too old for such things, you must realize.'

"She led me into the library. We sat in the dark room, and I began to get nervous. She poured two drinks, from several of the bottles at the bar, and added soda water to the mixture. `Try,' she invited me, handing me the glass and sitting back down.

"I asked her, `What is this drink?'

"`A local favorite,' she responded, smiling, and sipping at her own.

"So I drank also. It was delicious, but strong with spirits. She saw I liked it. She relaxed back into her chair, removing her shoes with her feet, and looking at me with terribly seductive eyes. My heart was beating and I felt very warm. I drank again, until the glass was empty. I hadn't thought that I drank so quickly, but I was conscious of nothing but her ravishing gaze. That is, until I began to wonder in the back of my mind what light flickered near us? I pulled reluctantly my eyes from her face, and looked to my left, to see a fire flickering brightly in the fireplace. It had not been there soon before.

"`Many strange things are happening to me today. What is it that you are doing?'

"She did not answer. (She did, however, begin to run her hands down the tops of her thighs.) I knew I was in for some trouble. I knew that I must not succumb to her charms. Why I could not, I could not remember. Your mother's hold over me was strong, however, and at last I remembered her. Just as I was about to try to tell this young woman that I could (unfortunately) have nothing to do with her, the young man came running into the library.

"`Your father is gone again, my lady.'

"She jumped up from her chair, crying, `What?!'

"`I turned my back on him only a moment. I thought him far too weak to walk.'

"They both ran out of the library, leaving me alone. By now, the spirits of the seductress's drink made my consciousness become a bit cloudier, and it felt as if my head were floating in a calm pool of water. I sat there this way for some time, until I began to miss my hostess's presence. I stood and slowly walked out into the foyer. I could see into the large living room the chair in which the old man had been sitting. His cover was on the floor. No one was about. I could not see my hostess through the windows, nor could I hear any voices from outside.

"I did hear a creaking of floor boards, however, and I looked up. From below I saw a woman. She was middle-aged and wore a white nurse's uniform. She turned away from the balcony and walked off. Two stairways, one on each side of the hallway, above which the balcony stood, ascended near me. I climbed the nearest of them. A hallway led off toward the rear of the house on this floor as did on the ground floor.

"I walked to the edge of the balcony, and put my hands on the rail, standing where the nurse had been. I looked and listened for the young lady and her father, but there was complete stillness, except for the breeze blowing leaves into the foyer from the front patio. The large front door to the house stood wide open, as I imagined it always did. My head spun from looking down.

"Behind me a door closed. I turned around, but the nurse was nowhere to be seen. I had become quite curious, and so I tiptoed down the hallway. The old boards creaked despite my care. I was unable to be quiet. I chose the first door on my left, because I knew I could not manage to travel the length of the hallway without alerting the nurse to my presence. Perhaps I was not welcome up there, so I was cautious.

"Slowly, I opened that door. I saw at first a wash stand, then a bed. In the bed lay someone, whom I could not see clearly. There was something over his face. I entered, yet more curious, but less cautious. I walked up to the man's side, and noticed, to my horror, that there was nothing over his face. His face was nearly the same color as the white bed linen on which his head lay. His skin looked nothing like a normal man's. And further I noticed that there were black marks, like burns, radiating from his eyes, and his nostrils, and his mouth. From his ears as well, I saw when I leaned over. His arms lay on top of the sheets, and I saw that also his fingertips where charred. I was in shock. Of all the strange things I had seen that day, this was the most distressing. For this was frighteningly strange. I do not know why I did this, but I touched the man's arm. To my horror, when I removed my finger, I saw that I had left a black mark on his skin, and from it began to radiate small black lines, like slow lightning strikes attacking outward.

"Downstairs, I heard the two young people bringing the old man back inside. I did not know what to do. A moment later, the young lady cried out, `Matridde! Is my guest up there?'

"From the rear of the house approached loud footsteps. The robust nurse was walking to the balcony to speak to her mistress. I closed the door, and listened to their short conservation. `I do not know,' was the nurse's answer. `I believe he was up here, but if he still is, I do not know.'

"Now more footsteps, this time I believed they were of someone running up the stairs. Many steps outside sounded. `You aren't sure?' That was the voice of the temptress. `Check these rooms, both of you!' I was doomed. I stepped back just in time to be missed by the imploding door. Rodolion stood before me. He turned back, and said, `He is here, my lady.'

"`Thank you, dear. Now go prepare.' He gave her a questioning look, at which she nodded impatiently. She then turned and smiled at me. I expected her to be outraged that I was searching her house. This time I was not soothed, and she sensed her loss of influence over me.

"Without considering my status in that house, I quickly demanded, `Just what is happening to this man?'

"`You are full of curiosity today, are you not?' She walked past me, sliding her hand across my chest. `First you wished to know what was happening to you, now to him.' She looked down at the man, and saw the mark I had left. `Did you do this?' I nodded. `You damned fool! Their skin is too delicate to be touched. He's a rare survivor and is barely alive.'

"She strode out of the room, and called, `Matridde!'

"I asked, `They who? A survivor of what?'

"She glared back at me, and snapped, `Those whose will we test, to be groomed for our needs. You will soon enough find out.'

"At the end of my patience, I pushed her aside and raced out of the room. Down the hallway and onto the stairs I ran. Behind me, I heard the evil hostess's voice, yelling out, "Rodolion, it is time! Capture him, Rodolion!"

"I had reached the front door and was running through it. Rodolion was still on the stairs. I was succeeding in my escape.

"Just then, a strange sensation came over me. A force stopped me. It pulled me backward. I was not walking, but my feet were being dragged across the floor. I was back in the foyer. The old man stood there before me now, glaring into my face. He had a passionately crazed, as if profoundly insane, look.

"`Father!' Behind me, I heard his daughter yelling at him. `You are straining yourself, Father!' He looked at her sheepishly, and released me from his spell. After doing so, all the life drained from his face, and he slumped onto the floor. Rodolion had already descended the stairs and managed to tie my hands behind my back, so I was released into his control. I struggled, but he managed to force me upstairs with him, into one of the rooms.

"But this was not a room like the one with the white-skinned man. No, I had been put into a very different room down the hall from him. First they had stripped me of all my clothing and placed a sheet over me. I was lying on a block of cold metal.

"The young lady came in and rubbed a yellowish lotion all over her hands and far up her forearms. The young man, Rodolion, took out a dagger, which looked very sharp, and held it to my neck. The nurse removed the cord that bound my hands. Rodolion seemed intent to cut my throat if I moved, so I remained still. The young lady pulled back the sheet and placed her greasy hands upon my chest. She began to speak in a language I did not understand. Rodolion moved back.

"Within a short time, I noticed that the metal below me began to vibrate, and to make a humming noise. Waves, like in water, began to stir its surface. The texture of that metal began to change. I was very frightened. I started to move, but Rodolion moved forward and pressed his blade against my neck again, and I laid back. Soon, however, there was nothing else I could do.

"Incredibly, I was sinking into the metal block below me. The evil girl was actually pushing my body down with her hands. She continued to chant, and I continued to sink until little of me remained. My last vision before completely sinking into the metal block was the dark ceiling of that room. Immersed, I still felt the girl's hands on my chest. Soon, however, they were gone, and I was alone.

"I could not feel anything of my body. I could not hear or see. And I was not breathing. I began to panic. I tried to move my body, but it was as if I no longer had a body. Soon, I realized that I was not suffocating or dying, but I was somehow separated from my physical self. I could still think clearly, so I thought there was hope. I was very wrong. The curse I endured was made a torture precisely because I could still think clearly.

"From that time on, I passed through aeons of madness. I felt every emotion, poignantly. I considered every experience of my past, waking life. I pondered excessively every concept that I could conceive. And yet, I passed into and out of insanity on a continual basis. Can you imagine thought without reality? Can you close your eyes and ears and shut down the nerves in your skin, remove your hunger and thirst, lose all your ability to move and feel your body? You have no concept of the terror.

"When I try to recall what I thought of during this time, I cannot really remember. I did all I could, but at times I wept. Now this was oddest of all, to weep in the mind. It is indeed a physical process, but I learned to weep with no tears, or sobs, or pains. I despaired, and suffered horribly.

"Well, I will skip past all of this, for it cannot be described, like the beauty of the young lady. These are simply things only I can know. It came to pass, however, that I learned some interesting tricks. But I cannot truly say how I learned to do this. It is as if I unlocked a door to the soul that is shut in everyone from birth.

"I began one day trying to imagine the room in which I lay as I had seen it last. I pictured its size, and my block, and the scant furniture. I dwelt upon this phase for a long time. Slowly, I began to try to see the room as it really was. I reached out with my mind. Bereft of all other pleasures, the only thing I could do was find a preoccupation and stay with it, until this nightmare ended or I discovered something, or I died.

"You won't believe this, I tell you, but it finally worked. Minutes, hours, days, months, I don't know how long it took. I knew no time. But visions began to come to me. I saw glimpses of what looked like the room my block and I were in. It looked different from how I remembered it. With this little encouragement, I knew that I had discovered my release. Every second after that first sight of the real world, I focused all my mental powers on improving this gift. I had been saved from insanity, and I cheered with all the might my silent mind could muster.

"After what I felt was a short time, I was able to see more and more clearly. I reached beyond my room, into the hallway, into other rooms, outside into the sunlight. I could not feel the fresh air, but I could see the sun's beautiful light, and it filled me with unlimited hope. I was alive again.

"I found eventually those who had imprisoned me. I tracked their movements about that evil house. I saw that bastard old man who snared me in the moment of my freedom. He lay on his deathbed, half conscious, groaning in pain.

"Next, I was able to hear their words. I listened with relish to their most trivial conversations. I came to know them very well from what they unwittingly told me. I found out that the old man was a sorcerer, over two hundred years old. He used his unwholesome powers to preserve his life. His daughter was also very old, about one hundred. She was beautiful, but it was only an illusion. The old man had guided her through this horrible imprisonment I was experiencing, to allow her to open that inner door, to gain powers as well. Rodolion was the woman's lover. Both he and the nurse were normal people, enslaved, kept there by Saara's threats of grotesque harm to them if they attempted to flee.

"One day, I heard the young witch abusing her nurse, and wanted to play a trick on her. I focused my mind on a jar on the table. I thought little of its working, but I tried to push it off. To my amazement, my trick worked. The nurse and the witch were shocked, and spent a day trying to understand what had happened. I was very happy that day.

"By then, I was less troubled. I knew what the time was by the arrival and departure of the sun, and I could count days. Since I began seeing the outside world, I counted forty-nine days. I do not know how long before those days I was in that block of metal. One day, though, I heard the witch say that I was halfway through my time in the prison. Six months had passed. They kept track of all their prisoners, of which there were five others. She said, `I wonder if he will survive.' It came to me once, when I saw them removing a woman whom they had imprisoned, and she physically died just after her release, that this was a dangerous process. She had died mentally long ago. I wondered for a long time if I would die, and I became determined not to be yet another of their victims.

"The old man fascinated me. I visited him several times a day. I went into his room and lurked near his face, studying his pained expressions. I tried often to speak to him, but I could not figure out how to do it. But as other things, I continued my efforts, because I knew that if it were possible, it would happen. Already, so many impossible things were occurring that I had faith in every new idea I had. Of course, most of them were crazy, but I tried nonetheless. I wondered sometimes, however, if it were all a dream, and I was imagining the whole thing. What a dream that would be, eh?

"One day, I visited the old bastard for a long time, focusing on his mind, and I said to him, `I hope you die, you old fool.' His eyes opened wide, and he looked about, and I thought that he had heard me. So I said to him, `I am going to kill you, you old bastard.' He summoned all his strength, and frantically, although slowly, sat up. He cried out, `Saara! Saara! One of them has succeeded,' he called out in great fear, as he clenched his chest. I was elated.

"I continued to plague him with my curses until his evil heart stopped. I cheered his death. Believe me, I do not wish to be a cold-hearted man, but his death was a time of celebration for me.

"Some time later, I listened in on the ceremony bringing out one of the other prisoners. I went into the mind of the witch, and I understood the words of her chant. I understood what it meant to imprison and to free the doomed in that cursed metal. I practiced day and night, until I was able to feel that the metal was responding to my own incantations. I was on the verge of freedom, when that damned witch detected what I was doing.

"She burst into the room, and screamed out, `No!' She ran to the table and rubbed the lotion on her hands and arms. She began reciting the chants to oppose me. She plunged her hands into the metal, and pushed on my chest. With a thought, I flung her back. She flew into the table, and knocked over all the bottles on it. She watched in horror as I brought myself out of the metal block. She could not move as I sat up on the block, and stood up before her. I picked up a shard of broken glass from one of the bottles and cut her throat with it. As she was dying, I yelled at her, `I will not be a toy in your sick game!'

"In my fury I had not realized it, but it soon came to me. I was free!

"I looked down at my hands, and they were white. The fingertips were burnt. I touched my hand and it was painful. There was a black wound, just as I had left on the white man. Much had changed since then. I was truly grateful to be alive, regardless my state.

"My whole body was in pain, but I walked out of the room, and down the hallway. The nurse was standing there, near the balcony, where I had seen her the first time. She was petrified. I stopped before her and stared at her. Into her mind, without speaking, I told her, `Shame on you, coward, for what you have been doing!' Then I left there.

"What of the others, you ask? Well, they had all died inside their prisons. To bring them out would have been fruitless. I had tried so often to talk to them from my own prison, but their ghosts had already departed. All that remained were their corpses, trapped in metal. I thought them fitting coffins, as so let them rest.

"Then, at the front door, I saw Rodolion. I grabbed him with my mind, and pulled him to me. He looked terrified, and screamed out, `Master, do not harm me.' I clutched him with my mind, without holding him with my hands, mind you. He said, `I will serve you.'

"Then I realized that he was only their slave. I released him, and said aloud to him, `I am not your master. Go, and be free, and do no more evil.' My voice was as it had been before, only a bit scratchy because I had not used it in so long.

"I walked out onto the front patio. I looked back at the house, and thought of all the misery that had taken place there. `Get out!' I yelled to the two slaves, and they came out quickly. They ran toward the gate, and stopped, to turn around and look to me. With my mind, I set the doorframe afire, and walked to where they stood. The dry wood of the ancient structure caught quickly, and the house was soon fully ablaze. I smiled, and walked away.

"I never did find my dear Jiere, but I was able to get home. My body has pained me awfully ever since, but I have learned to ignore it. The pain does not go away, which you didn't know. The white skin does not go away, as you can see. But these burn marks, that are made when I am touched, go away after a few days. You knew that also. But the reason I am this way, now you know that, too.

"I am content now, and can pass away with my old age. I can be satisfied that I never became what that old sorcerer did. For he was created in power just as I was, but he was not as fair and just a man as I. It is not right, and I have never used my powers against anyone since that day of my freedom.

"You are all silent now. I have shocked you. Sit here beside and let me hold you, my dear wife. I wish to look at my family with you one last time before I leave you all."

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