Reviewed by Robert

My first impressions of a test of will was that it moved far too slow for the initial idea. Unfortuantely this reads like a first draft and could do with an intense revision. The narative explains alot about what is happening to the main character and in doing so doesn't allow the reader to think or to consider possibilities.( Try not to tell every detail, leave a few things up to the imagination.)

One of my pet hates is the overuse of adverbs and in the first few paragraphs they are used freely (adv).

The basic premise of this story is very good, interesting and intriguing but it sounds too stilted to be truly effective. The only suggestion I have for the author is to read Robert J Sawyers, "Terminal Experiment" and some work by Charles de Lint. Reason: These two authors use words well while also using interesting ideas and characters. One thing to remember is to use dialogue where possible to help enliven the scene within the characetrs mind. Flat narative simply discribes, dailague gives that discription life, momentum and action.

There is a good story here waiting to be released. Go to it and see what you can create.