Comforting Words
gazed out at the ocean - the cool, calm ocean - to which I had turned
many times before. The ocean helped me think and lulled my emotions, slowed
the racing of my heart.
I could smell salt in the breeze as I gazed - mesmerised by the motion of the waves. The pace of thoughts interrupting my calm was slowing. As always my mind had overloaded while trying to comprehend emotion, and death - plummeting me into a feeling of senselessness and worthlessness.
Thoughts of death always produced a disorienting confusion, and a sense of futility in the pit of my stomach. As I watched the white spray I tried hard to cope with thoughts of death, and life.
I shook my head violently, trying to clear my thoughts. The sound of gulls crying over the surf pierced my soul. Feelings of failure had brought me to the brink. I knew I was being selfish, but self knowledge does not always result in change.
I sighed loudly, expelling air and tension as I bent to pick up a shell. Its surface vulnerable, smooth and cold in my hand, weathered by the ocean. The sharpness of the shell�s edge and the biting wind around my ears made me feel satisfied, pain was satisfying - it validated my existence.
Life goes on, I�m so sorry, if there is anything I can do, Live for now, you�ll get over it, it was quick - you�re lucky really, you�re so strong, you have so much else to live for, life is short......
Grief gripped my heart as I sank to the sand, waves lapping around me, to wait for sunset.
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