The Revolt of the Fluffies

small space ship was aproaching Reagan 4. Once it was safely in orbit around the planet, the co-pilot Hodges lay back in his seat and closed his eyes.

"Wake up," said the pilot Stevens. "What's the point of having you as a co-pilot if you spend most of your time asleep in that chair?"

"You worry too much," said Hodges yawning. "This ship can practically land itself. So what are the women on this planet like?"

Stevens sighed significantly.

"Don't you ever think about anything else?" he asked.

"Well, I like getting paid too. It's all right for you, you're getting on a bit. When I'm your age all I might like at the end of the day from a woman is a nice cup of tea, but it's ten months since we've been on a planet with women on it, and I'm lonely."

Stevens, who was in his early forties, would have usually taken exception to Hodges' comment, but he was watching the instruments on his control panel and he was only half-listening to Hodges.

"I might have acquired a pet on the last planet we were on, but it's only an animal really, a sort of green, fluffy ball. It's not the same as having a relationship with a woman."

"You call the cheap, meaningless sexual encounters you have in every space-port relationships do you?" Stevens asked slightly amused.

"They mean a lot to me," Hodges said. "Besides not all of them are that cheap. Remember that red-head on Delta 7. Best two months' wages I ever spent in one night."

"Try not to drool on the controls," said Stevens. "It's not good for them. Just a minute. Did you say something about a green furry ball? I think I just used it to mop up some spilt coffee. I wondered why it kept making noises. I just figured we've been in space too long. I hope I didn't hurt it."

Hodges got up from his seat.

"I better go towel her dry and tell her you're sorry." he said.

"Oh, it's a female, is it?" Stevens asked.

"Of course," Hodges said with a grin as he went in search of his soggy and sulking green pet.

One of the local women on Reagan 4 named Maja was having her duties explained to her for the seventeenth time, she estimated, by Governor Jones.

"You know, sir, I do understand English." Maja said slightly resentfully. "I did go to one of your schools."

The Governor did not seem to notice her attitude. Reagans, the locals that is, were not a very tactful race. They tended to speak their minds on all issues and in all situations. Some of the more technologically-advanced civilisations they came in contact with used to describe Reagans as "insolent barbarians." But Reagans did not understand concepts like "barbarians". They did not see that because someone came from a different planet and had lots of gadgets that made them so superior to them. Altarans who were the main slave-trading people in that region of space used to say,

"You'll never get much of a price for a Reagan. They'll give you an argument about everything and they'll drink all the booze in your house."

But the few settlers and administrators from Earth who lived on Reagan 4 had adjusted to local ways to some extent. They never seemed to take offense at anything a local said, they barely seemed to notice even outright insolence at times. After a while, the locals stopped arguing and did as they were told.

"Where's the fun if they don't even realise I'm taking the piss?" Maja said to one of her friends one time.

Earth's settlers kept a certain distance from the local population. The locals harvested their crops as they had always done, but sold their excess to the settlers. A few, like Maja, worked as servants. Reagan 4 was something of a backwater, an isolated but pretty agricultural planet. The planet like most in that region had been named centuries ago after a minor politican on Earth who no-one recalled anymore.

Governor Jones offered two guestrooms to Hodges and Stevens. They were pleased and flattered by the invitation, but they assumed that not many visitors ever came to Reagan 4, so those that did were made something of a fuss of. Hodges thought his room comfortable, but cold. His small green pet was crawling and rolling around excitedly. She managed to get trapped in the drawers and cupboards a few times until rescued by Hodges. When Maja came in to explain that his dinner was ready, she screamed at the sight of a small, bright green furry ball bouncing up and down in the center of the bed.

"It's all right. It's just a pet, totally harmless." Hodges said quickly.

"What is it?" Maja asked.

"It's from Reagan 3. It's a kind of, um, squirrel I suppose," he explained as best he could.

"Is it housetrained?" Maja asked. "I'm not going to have to mop up little puddles am I?"

The creature started to growl at Maja.

"I think you've offended her." Hodges said.

"How do you offend a ball of fluff?" she asked.

The growling deepened.

"It really does understand what I'm saying," Maja said. "Who would have believed it?"

"It took me a while to adjust to her," Hodges admitted. "She can only make noises in response, but she seems to understand what I say to her."

"What does it, sorry fur-ball, what does she eat?" Maja asked. "I hope we've got the right sort of food for it."

"She seems to eat anything. Fruit, seeds, nuts. I'm sure she'll be fine."

"I'll talk to the cook," said Maja. "Talk about a professional challenge. Does she have a name?" she asked.

"I just call her Fluffy, not very original I know, but she answers to it now."

"Well, she is kind of cute." Maja said.

If Reagans were not humans they were certainly very close. Maja's skin was very fair, especially compared with her long black hair. She was shorter and stockier than most Earth women.

"This is obviously not a culture where women go in for dieting," Hodges thought but he did not really mind. From what he had seen so far, Reagans seemed a fairly attractive and friendly people.

"Don't worry," Stevens had said to him. "Reagans tend to be a very forthright lot. If one of the women fancies you, she'll soon let you know."

"Sounds good to me," said Hodges.

Stevens and Hodges had their dinner with the Governor and some of the settlers. There was nothing wrong with the food, but the conversation tended to be stilted and formal to Hodges' way of thinking. And no-one seemed to appreciate his stories or jokes except Stevens and the local woman who was serving. Hodges, although not a very useful person in many ways, was an entertaining and amusing dinner companion.

One incident worried both men. Maja accidently spilt some liquid on the table while pouring. The Governor rebuked her for carelessness, took her hand and squeezed it. Hodges was surprised to see her wince with pain.

"That can't have hurt her that much," he told himself.

After dinner, Hodges decided to have a nice long soak in the bath. He was surprised to find a layer of dust on the base of the bath, and it took him ages to make the soap dispenser work.

"Either Reagans are a grubby lot, or no-one has stayed in this room for a long time," Hodges remarked to his pet who had followed him into the bathroom. Once he was relaxing in the warm water his pet lauched herself from the side of the bath into the water. She started to paddle vigorously up and down the length of the bath making delighted little 'eck eck' noises as she did so.

"What do you think she's doing?"Stevens asked from the doorway.

"Looks like freestyle to me. I think she's going for a personal best. This is not the most private bath I've ever had."

"Sorry," said Stevens. "I've never thought you were shy. Do you have a spare disposable razor? I left mine in the ship. I asked our host but he seemed to have no idea what I was talking about. "

"There is something odd about these people. Not the locals, they seem pleasant enough. But the settlers are odd."

"Rich people," said Stevens as he left with a razor.

When he had finished his bath, Hodges found Maja putting an extra cover on his bed. He noticed her hand. It was very bruised and swollen.

"But he can't have hurt you that much. He hardly touched you," he said.

"What do you mean? He always does that if he's not satisfied. You people from Earth are very strong, much stronger than us."

"I don't believe it." Hodges said simply.

Like most Reagans, Maja was no fragile, delicate little flower. Hodges considered that in a barroom brawl he would prefer to have Maja on his side than on the other side. He gently touched her hand then kissed her on the mouth. She looked at him amazed.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"Why not? We're both humanoid. Everywhere you go you met couples from different planets. Every third person you meet has one human parent and one alien one, if you'll excuse the expression," he said.

"That's all right," she said. "I don't mind being called an alien. You should hear some of the things we call you humans in our language."

"Not very flattering I imagine," he said smiling.

"But the humans here have never come near any of us, not that way I mean. We've always thought it odd, but we have just assumed humans don't find us attractive. Your women are so perfect, so beautiful. They never seem to get fat and old like we do. It has always struck us as strange."

"Strange, it's impossible," he said.

Maja and Hodges discovered that sex was not only possible between human male and Reagan female, but pleasurable. The only real problem they had was that Hodges' pet refused to get off the bed and kept growling at Maja. As she dressed, Maja reached out one hand to pat the creature, to comfort the jealous little thing. Maja heard a loud growl and then felt a terrible pain in her head. She sat down on the bed to recover.

"What happened?" Hodges asked.

"I think it attacked me." she said.

"How?"

"With its mind I suppose. You're lucky she loves you. I would not like to get her really cross."

Suddenly the creature seemed to calm down. It rolled onto Maja's feet and made a placating little sound something like a cat's purr.

"I think she's trying to say she's sorry," Hodges said.

"I don't think she knows her own strength." Maja said.

"So what is wrong with these people?" Hodges asked Stevens. "And where are the children, the old people? I know it's a small settlement but everyone seems to be the same age. It seems unnnatural. And everyone seems so inhuman except the locals and we know for sure they're not human beings. It doesn't make sense."

"Did you say inhuman? Or perhaps superhuman. There were experiments centuries ago to produce superhumans, you know, people with all our strengths and none of our weaknesses. When I think about it, a planet as isolated as this would have been the perfect place. The local population are primitive. They would not know what was going on."

"You read too much science fiction." Hodges said.

But Stevens had started thinking. Stevens was not only a good pilot, but naturally curious and a talented computer hacker. While Hodges kept watch he looked at the Governor's files. He read of the numerous early violent clashes between the first settlers and the local population. The losses on both sides were so bad that Earth Central had considered abandoning the planet several times.

"Odd," thought Stevens. "The natives obviously used to love a knuckle, but they all seem fairly passive these days."

Then he found one significant line in an early governor's report. A desperate request, a plea really to Earth Central for android troops, unbeatable, indestructable android troops.

"Well?" Hodges asked.

"Well, I think what had happened is that, you know how on most planets the people use machines to serve them, well, here the people serve the machines."

"What do you mean?" Hodges asked.

"I mean the humans here aren't really humans. They're androids, robots. That's why they're so strong, so cold and so ageless."

"What all of them?" Hodges asked.

"I think so," said Stevens.

"So what happened to the humans who settled here originally, and their descendents."

"Died out I suppose, or were massacred by the natives. It looks like we wiped out most of their tribes, it seems only fair."

"But can androids function without someone to tell them what to do? Don't they need someone in charge?"

"Some of the later ones were very advanced, very sophisticated. A lot of planing went into their design and construction. They used to send them on those really long space flights into the then unknown regions of the galaxy. Eighty years or so in space was nothing to an android. It didn't send them stir-crazy. Besides what have they to do on a planet like this- pay a few workers, buy a few crops, ship the crops to neighboring planets. Even you could organise that," he said.

"You have a point," the Governor said coming into his study.

"You could have just asked me. It's not such a dreadful secret. Everyone accepts the situation, even the primitives."

"But you mistreat them," Hodges said. "I didn't think you were capable of harming humans."

"Who reads too much science fiction now," Stevens muttered.

"We were designed and constructed to subdue primitive tribes. And we have been successful. We are not cruel to them, but they are like children in a lot of ways, some of them need a firm hand sometimes. We are much more patient with them than you would have been," the Governor said.

"May I ask a question?" Stevens asked. "What happened to the original settlers, the humans I mean."

"There was never that many to start with. Those who weren't killed fighting the natives often were killed by their diseases. As your friend has discovered the natives are very human-like. Both races had almost no resistance to each others' diseases. The last real human, as you would define him, died seventy years ago."

"So what happens now?" Stevens asked.

"To you? You stay as our honoured guests. You can keep your local woman if you wish. You'll get used to it here. It's quiet, I know, but we like it."

"How much excitement does a robot need?" Hodges said. "Look, I'm not letting a jumped-up washing machine keep me a prisoner."

The Governor put one hand on Hodges shoulder and sqeezed. Hodges suddenly realised why Maja had winced when touched by the Governor. Hodges groaned aloud with pain. But not for long. Fluffy had been asleep in his jacket pocket and when she heard him cry out she attacked. The Governor dropped to the ground.

"Is he dead?" Hodges asked.

"It is deactivated. It's not a person you know. I think it's blown a fuse. I think we should get out of here."

"What about the people?"

"There's nothing we can do." Stevens said.

"Yes, there is. With Fluffy's help and some of her little friends. It's not that far to Reagan 3.

Why not? I've always wanted to lead a peasant revolt. You know, when I was a kid and other people wanted to grow up to do sensible things like be pilots, or scientists, or engineers, I wanted to be a revolutionary."

"That explains a lot." said Stevens. "Funny sort of weapon you're going to use. Why don't you put little helmets on the fluffies. The enemy will laugh themselves to death, they won't even need to zap them with brainwaves, or whatever it is they do."

Stevens and Maja waited in the ship while Hodges and Fluffy spoke to the other fluffies. Hodges came back surprisingly quickly.

"Did you have any trouble convincing them to come?" Stevens asked.

"Not much. They seem to be queueing neatly outside the hatch. I don't know what it is about this region. Every race seems to think the same way. The attitude seems to be, 'Oh, a fight. We'll be in that.' "

Four weeks later the settlers had been deactivated and buried in a huge pit by the locals. Life returned to something approaching normal. One night before they were due to depart Reagan 4, Maja and Hodges were awakened by the sound of panting and excited 'eck eck' noises in a corner of their bedroom.

"Oh shit." said Hodges. "They're at it again."

"I think it's cute. They're in love."

"I hope they don't have big families. I'll never get any sleep."

"How would we stop them?" Maja asked.

"I never thought of that. You don't think we've just replaced one master-race with another do you?"

"No, " she said. "And if we have all I can say is, 'Long live the fluffies'."