Gun Barrel Diplomacy
senghe tore a leaf from his tarquin book and slipped it back into his pocket. Carefully rolling the page he inserted it in his large bony nostril. With a flick of his green taloned thumb he ignited the lighter and applied the flame to his tarquin page. He inhaled deeply, exhaled; mauve smoke spilling from his nostrils
"Why do you always smoke like that," Garner said removing the thick cigar from his mouth.
"We are not as you," Ysenghe replied, "Our respiratory system is totally independent of our ingestive tract."
"Damn queer way to go about things if you ask me," Garner said turning to look out the Embassy window at the barrage of fireballs.
"Garner don't be rude," Luce said tucking a leg beneath herself as she sat next to Ysenghe. "Spaights another glass," she said holding her empty one out towards a clone. As the spaight took her glass she let her arm drape around Ysenghes shoulders.
"I am not offended," Ysenghe replied laying a hand on Luces thigh. His green scales contrasting vividly with her white satin gown.
"Do we know what Capistrano wants to see us about," Whatsishame said taking an hor dourve from the plate proffered by a spaight.
"I believe he's concerned about that," Ysenghe said indicating the bombardment of fireballs raining down on the city.
"I don't want to sound like an alarmist," Dolly said as she brushed a piece of lint from the shoulder of Garners midnight blue tuxedo, "But shouldn't we be doing something about getting out of here ourselves."
"There' no rush," Ysenghe assured her, "My people reinforced this building when we adopted it for our embassy. Those fireballs are incapable of scratching it." His sinuous black tongue flicked out nervously.
"Bloody hell," Garner said involuntarily stepping back as a fireball shattered itself against the window.
"You see," Ysenghe said relaxing and smiling, "You're perfectly safe.". For the moment, he added to himself. He leaned back on the couch and placed an arm around Luce as she slid closer to him a finger playing with her strand of black pearls.
Capistrano stroked his nervously quivering cranial tentacles as the elevator rose. He looked up and saw the telescope through the elevators glass roof. Trained on Alpha Centaurus, the star from which the attacking ships seemed to be coming. He hoped the ambassadors could tell him what was going on. His planet was being destroyed and he didn't know why.
The lift stopped with a slight jolt, the doors opening. Capistrano was stunned by what he saw. The Terrans and the Valorn were sitting around eating and drinking as if nothing was wrong. Straightening his sash and medals High Minister Capistrano strode towards the group of diplomats. "I'm so glad you good see me at such short notice," he said his tentacles turning blue with gratitude. "Can you tell me anything about the attack we are under. What have we done to deserve this."
"I'm afraid we're in the dark as much as you," Garner said dropping the remains of his still smouldering cigar into the pocket of a spaight. "We're as new to the galactic scene as you. The Valorn have been interstellar travels far longer. Perhaps Ambassador Ysenghe can enlighten us." He said turning to the green alien groping Luce on the couch.
"Ah yes," Ysenghe said restraining his hands now he was the centre of attention. He tore another leaf from his tarquin book and lit it. Inhaling deeply he continued, mauve smoke spilling from his nostrils, "This attack is from a race called the Sarrent. They're a feudal society out to conquer as many others as they can. These fire bombs are typical of their methods. It destroys the inhabitants, but is cleaner than most other weapons, so leaves the planet inhabitable."
Capistrano tried to think, but Ysenghes smoke was making him feel dizzy. "What can we do?" he asked plaintively.
"What about sending an ambassador to them?" Whatsishame said.
"Or a message of protest," Dolly added.
"One of us could go to intercede on their behalf," Garner said lighting another cigar.
"Well Ysenghe, what should we do," Luce said her lips pouting.
"None of the above," Ysenghe replied rolling coils of smoke, so fragrant, so mauve, along his narrow black tongue. "There's nothing to worry about I've taken steps to solve the problem."
Capistranos face flushed green to the tips of his tentacles, "I can't thank you enough Ambassador Ysenghe. Or people will hold a banquet in your honour when this is over.
The group was startled as another fireball exploded against the widow, filling the room with a red glow. Capistrano moved towards the window and peered out, worry quivering through his tentacles. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful ambassador, but when will your help take effect. The city is rapidly being reduced to rubble."
"Not long," Ysenghe said stretching back on the couch and clasping his hands behind his head. Mauve smoke puffed out his nostrils in regular jets, "It'll all be over in another fives minutes."
"That's what you think," the spaight with a smoking jacket said. All eyes turned to this new and unexpected voice. The spaight drew his gun.
"What do you think you're doing spaight," Dolly said staring at the gun, "I'll have you strapped to a nerve inductor for this behaviour."
"Shutup bitch or I'll kill you slowly." he snapped pointing the gun directly at her, "This is a fucking revolution. We're not going to tolerate being treated as slaves any more. We're clones not animals."
As they looked around the room the other spaights in attendance drew guns.
Ysenghe burst out laughing as he looked at them waving their guns around. Each one of them trying to point their gun at every diplomat simultaneously.
"What the hell are you laughing at greenie" the lead spaight said.
"You don't know, do you. This must be so aggravating that me a mere lizard has the advantage of you."
The spaights eyes widened as Ysenghe voiced his thoughts.
"Didn't you ever wonder why you couldn't get into my mind We Valorn are telepathic too, and obviously more skilled then you."
"I don't know what talk about," The spaight replied his voice nervous.
"Come now, you're among friends," Ysenghe said his smile revealing a double row of sharp pointed teeth, "You can let us in on your secret."
"what are you talking about?" Luce asked
"It's a side effect of your cloning technique. All clones are telepathic."
"It's not possible," she replied not wanting to believe. She looked at the lead spaight, the smug look on his face, the cold steel of the gun. 'We didn't know,' she thought.
"Coarse not bitch.," the spaight said telepathically hearing her thought, "We were waiting for the right moment. .Now is the right moment."
"What's going to happen to us?" Whatsishame asked his voice trembling.
"You're going to get fives minutes of fame on the net before we blow your brains out." the spaight said relishing the idea.
Ysenghe rose to his feet ignoring the guns that swivelled to point at him. "How is killing half a dozen diplomats on a distant planet going to help your cause?" he asked as he wandered casually towards on of the spaights.
"This is only the beginning, a statement to get the ball rolling" the lead spaight said, "With the help of our Sarrent friends we're going to get our independence and a newly cleansed planet."
Striking like a cobra Ysenghe shattered the wrist of the spaight he'd approached. He grabbed her by the throat pulling her to him as he twisted her arm up behind her back. His talons drew blood where they pressed into her neck. He held the spaight in front of him as a shield. "If you want your independence you'll have to be more effective than this," he sneered as he snapped the spaights neck.
"Your going to suffer for that," The lead spaight said as he stared at his dead comrade Ysenghe was holding in front of him.
"Oh I don't know," Ysenghe replied fingering the jewel stitched onto his white shirt, "You see I have an announcement to make." He paused.
The spaights were beginning to get edgy when he didn't continue. The jewel between Ysenghes fingers began to heat. "Ah, right on time" he said glancing at his watch. "That's what I like about the military. They're always punctual. Before I go I'd just like to let you know that in two minutes this planet will be a black hole. If the Sarrents gained it they would have the advantage over us. We can't allow that, so I've arranged for a gravity bomb to be dropped here." The jewel was almost to hot for Ysenghe to hold, "Goodbye, I can't say it's been a pleasure." There was a flash of light as Ysenghe disappeared.
"It's good to have you back, Lord," Commander Tonghi said as Ysenghe stepped from the bridge gate.
"It's good to be back Tonghi," Ysenghe replied, "Best speed to the fleet and put the planet up on the screen." Ysenghe lowered himself to the rock alter of command. He shifted a couple of times trying to get comfortable. "Somebody fetch my uniform so I can get out of these ridiculous clothes," he said as Tau Ceti three imploded. An underling arrived with his uniform as the newly created black hole began stripping matter from the star.
