This story, by Delia Martin, is a tale of Ranger Kainan, who sets out on a mission to prove his worth as a man and rescue a fair maiden, but gets sidetracked along the way.

The author shows a wonderful imagination and an absurd (very British perhaps?) sense of humour in this complex story. It was somewhat hard to review as it didn't end properly. Indeed, a note from the author explains it is a work in progress and to contact her for the continuation. One of the technical problems in this piece was that, at first, I wasn't sure whose story it was, and even what the story was, as the author had so many characters in this short piece that it was hard to keep track of what was going on and who everyone was.

To show off her inventiveness and humour to full extent I would advise the author to cut back some of the content a bit and just tell a simpler, and therefore probably funnier tale. There were some great one-liners buried in here, that would benefit from having a bit more space to themselves. As Coco Chanel said (even though she probably didn't know a damn thing about short stories)...'less is more.'

This is the second part of a review on The Kidnap of Lady Shay. The first review was for the first part of the story. The second half of the story was added later and this review is to complete the critique.

Let me start by saying I loved this story. I have a thing for children's literature. Ever since reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory my imagination has been and always will be inspired by the wonderful writing of authors writing for children. Delia Martin has filled this story with the prime ingredient, magical and detailed imagination.

The main strings in this story hold it together. The way Kainan is ever so forgetful and silly is endearing. The way Magician Lolak pwonounces his words without his "R�s" is a nice touch, adding to the story and making it a wonderful tale to be read out-loud. Finally the eternal quest for badges is the driving force that takes our hewo, sorry heRo, on his journey.

Having acclaimed this story, I will now try and offer some suggestions that the author may want to consider.

Since this is a children's story, the author must be careful with the use of some words. The language needs to be simple; not dull, just simple. The author is mostly true to this philosophy but words such as "compunction" occasionally find their way into the language. I'm not too sure about the use of the dinosaurs at the end either. Perhaps they are suited, it's certainly a great morphing visual for the narrative but I feel this story is directed at a young audience. Creatures such as pterodactyl and velociraptor will be lost to young children. I'm not sure where the line should be drawn here but I think it's worth asking the question - what age group is this story aimed at and what is their understanding of dinosaurs? If you've already done this Delia and you're currently shaking your head - Mia Culpa.

Medals and trophies - although they are the key to this story I felt that in the end, they were over used. I'd cut some of the references because the just bordered on the tedious. Possible sacrifices, the medal for "Rescuing Yourself While Wearing A Dress" and the trophy for "Being Very Kind To Animals Even If They Are Stubborn Or Bad Tempered".

I'm still not sure whether I liked the idea of the animals in the story talking. I know there was some anomaly here in that some animals could talk, whilst others could not. The horse could not talk and there was no explanation why some could and other's could not. I would give consideration to trying to write the story without animals talking, I believe it would be stronger for this.

Another small point for the author to consider was the episode of the mirror. Kainan's reflection talks to him and he can't hear a thing his reflection is saying. Fair enough, but his reflection can hear him okay!? This might be the author's intention but once again, I feel there needs to be an explanation as to why.

Finally, I'd drop the use of parenthesis. I felt this was an unnecessary interruption to the natural flow of the story.

That's it. Please be aware that the reason I have pointed out so many areas for the author to develop this work, is because I feel it is such a very strong piece of writing. This story has the potential to be published and read by children all over the world.

Definitely readable, eminently enjoyable.

Story by © Delia Martin

Reviewed by © Claire

Second Review by © Mick

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