Liquid Reality
on't hold back your crying, Sam. Crying is good for
you...Think of
the tears as little drops of liquid reality." I could still hear Frank's
words in my ears as well as if he had said them only a few seconds
earlier.
I could still recall most of the conversation we had the night Frank said
that to me.
It was the night my girlfriend and I had broken up, and I, having fallen deeply in love with her, had taken the whole situation a lot harder than Tess had imagined that I would. Frank found me huddled up in my room whimpering quietly to myself.
"What's the matter Sam?" Frank asked in his usual way.
"Tess and I..." I said trying to hold back the tears, "...We, I mean, I don't know how to say this, but...Well, I guess I'm back to square one now..."
"I'm not quite sure I follow you there, Sam. Elaborate for me..."
"Well, you know what....what I've bee missing off my finger for about the past month or so....." I said with a sniffled, holding out my right hand for Frank to see.
"Oh!...I get it now..." Frank said, and at that I nodded with a sniffle. "Don't hold back your crying, Sam. Crying is good for you...Think of the tears as little drops of liquid reality."
"What?!?!" I asked to Frank, "What in the name of Zeus are you talking about Frank?"
"Crying, of course. All that it is doing is letting out droplets of liquid reality in the form of tears."
"Never thought of it that way."
"You should try it sometimes. It always helps to think of the world and your life and everything else in a way different from everybody else."
"Thanks, Frank. You're a real friend and a pick-me-up, but I 'd really like to be left alone right now to do some deep thinking."
"Sure Sam, not a problem. Remember that I'm right down the hall if you need me tonight."
"Sure thing Frank."
Anyway, back to what I started out to say. Frank was always like that: friendly, just a little bit over your head, and always talking in circles. Frank had always been the kind of person who never had trouble finding friends, and it seemed to me that he was like a magnet to people.
I had heard of magnetic personalities before, but I had never met anyone who would have been described as being one until I met Frank. But, sadly Frank was killed in an automobile accident while on his way home from school yesterday .
The day of his funeral was overcast and raining. Fitting weather for a funeral I think. Although I wasn't asked to speak by Frank's family at first, I was asked by his pastor to speak on behalf of his friends and peers. Only one thought kept crossing my mind the whole time I was at the church: Liquid Reality, Tears are only drops of liquid reality. And as I continued to look at that cedar box, surrounded by all the flowers and all the people in the church, I continued to think about Frank's most memorable words to me. I took the thought for what it was worth and started crying. After Franks' pastor spoke for Frank's family, it was my turn.
I stepped up to the microphone and looked out over the mass of teary-eyed people who were either friends of Frank, relatives or friends of the family. The first thing that crossed my mind when I opened my mouth came out. Not even meaning to say it, I said: "My most vibrant memory of Frank is one that I think anyone would remember for many years.
It all started when I was feeling down after a rough day of school. Frank came over to my room to console me because he could sense that I was feeling upset. His words that night have left a deep impression on me: 'Don't ever think of crying as being a sign of weakness, Sam. Think of the tears as being droplets of Liquid Reality.'. Frank was always like that, though. If you had ever taken the time to listen to him in what he said, he was always like that. Always talking in words and phrases that maybe you didn't understand, but, like a well told sermon, the meaning hit you much later afterwards. The meaning of Liquid Reality finally hit me today. And I think that if Frank had planned for the meaning of Liquid Reality to hit me on any day, I think he would have picked the day I was to speak at his funeral. I know that Frank's in a better place now, and I can just about bet that if he's listening to this, he's probably as touched by this as I was by his speech that night.
Goodbye Frank, we all love you."
When I finished my speech to Frank, those in attendance who weren't crying before I started my speech were crying after I finished. And by the time I had reached my seat, more than half of the people there had started clapping. I thought it rather odd that someone giving a speech at a funeral would get such an ovation, and I was a little bit embarrassed that my impromptu speech about my best friend had gotten that much ovation at his funeral. Finally when I returned to my seat, Father Gonzales asked us all torise and sing "Amazing Grace". After we finished singing the song and the immediate prayer for Frank, Father Gonzales signaled that we all rise and exit the church slowly for the procession to the graveyard for the burial.
Although Frank and I had been best friends, I just couldn't stand towatch his casket be lowered into the ground at Unihill Cemetery. I drove myself back home and tried to start putting Frank's death behind me.
-This story is dedicated to my best friend Jamie Swindell who was killed
in a car accident in 1996.
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