No way out
elinda sat in front of the TV deep in thought. She was thinking as always of Chris,
her room mate. That she was deeply in love with him she no longer doubted. It had
been a good year now since he had entered her life, and thought he mentioned it on the
first occasion they met, his being gay hadn�t changed the fact. As she often did, she
thought of the first time they met. She was looking for a room mate, and he had came
over to check out the apartment. It was love at first site she was convinced. His tall
athletic body, and deep blue eyes left her almost staring at him in open appreciation.
Maybe it was that amorous look in her eyes that prompted him to say.
�You know I�m gay.� Like it was damn obvious and she was a fool for not realising straight away.
�Oh, I didn�t know.� She responded feeling stupid.
�It�s not a problem?�
�No, why should it be?� She said trying to sound perfectly natural about it.
�Good, I can promise you I�m just a normal nice guy.� He said in a warm voice that only made Belinda more attracted to him.
�I bet you are.� She responded and had already decided that he was her new room mate. Probably a bad decision in hindsight. If she had used her head she would have realised the pain she could have spared herself by just letting him go, but she couldn�t. Even if she could go back in time she wouldn�t change a thing.
Belinda sighed out aloud. Where was he know she wondered. Meeting some other guy, doing she didn�t want to know what with him. At least he rarely brought a guy back to their place and Belinda was thankful for that.
Usually on a Saturday night like this he would be out late, and come back in the early hours of the morning drunk. She almost always waited up for him. He never realised this as he was completely off his face, if he knew he would probably say something. Still he must know how I feel about him. Mustn�t he? She was sure he did. He was intelligent and empathetic. He probably understood the whole situation, but like Belinda had no idea what to do about it.
little while after two in the morning Belinda was woken from the light slumber she
had unintentionally drifted into by a sound at the door. For a moment she was
disorientated and thought it must be a burglar. Her heart skipped a beat then she came
to her senses and realised it must be Chris.
She could hear him fumbling with the key outside and every now and then came a muttered curse. She debated whether to get up and open the door for him. No, she decided. Just leave it looking like I was up watching the TV and fell asleep in front of it. That was the truth anyway.
After a minute or two Chris must have succeeded in unlocking the door. Turning the handle he slumped against it, his body weight pushing it open. Belinda looked up and saw him fall through the door and straight onto the ground. Instinctively she jumped up to help him.
�Are you ok Chris?� She asked in a tender voice. He moved and looked up at her.
�I think I�m pished.� He slurred with a grin. Closing the door behind her Belinda tried to get Chris to his feet. He was more drunk than usual, but she didn�t mind. In fact she relished these times when he was nearly out of it and she could fuss over him.
�Do you want to throw up?� Belinda asked. Better now than have him doing it in his bed.
�I think I�ve already done that out in the street.�
�Ok then, I�ll put you to bed if you want.� She said and lead him towards his room.
�Belinda, hey Belinda, you�re too kind.� He mumbled. Though she knew he was drunk and was likely to say all manner of things this made her feel guilty. Suppose he didn�t know how she felt about him? She only treated him so kindly because she loved him. If it was any one else she would probably leave them to sleep in front of the door.
Reaching his room she propped him against the wall like a mannequin and opened the door. Then flicked on the light before she put her arm around him and lead him in. By now he was talking in a steady stream of drunken monologue. She didn�t bother to respond to most of his comments, but laid him down as delicately as possible on to his bed. Almost at once he stoped talking. His breath became slow and regular as he drifted into sleep.
She slowly untied his shoelaces and pulled the shoes off his feet. Once done she laid them out carefully by the side of his bed. Then she pulled the sheets of the bed down underneath him slowly so as not to wake him. Then she covered his body in one of the sheets.
She moved along the bed and sat beside his chest, examining him closely. His breath was quiet (he had never snored) and he wore a faint smile like he was dreaming of some wonderful place. She reached out her hand and held it just over his lips and felt the warm breeze from his nose, then slowly she ran her fingers across his lips.
�I love you.� She whispered. She felt warm all over. Bringing her face down to his, she whispered again in his ear.
�I love you Chris, more than you could ever imagine.� She felt so peaceful being this close to him. She could hardly control herself. She wanted to make love to him here and now. But he never would. Still she couldn�t help herself, maybe she could seduce him. She knew she was good looking, she had always turned heads. Had she ever had any problems finding boyfriends? No, never. But since she had met Chris she had never been able to hold one for more than a month.
Trembling she brought her face over Chris�s. Her lips were less than a centimetre from his.
�Oh, I love you, why can�t you love me?� She said then pressed her lips onto his and held them there, savouring it like a last chocolate in her mouth, slowly melting. He didn�t stir in his sleep as she slowly opened her mouth and moistened the kiss. Her saliva wet his lips and she pushed her tongue against them. Gently, but firmly she probed with her tongue until it pushed his lips apart and entered his mouth. She swirled it around in his mouth and kissed him with a slow but heated passion.
She had never felt this complete, this full, this happy in all her life. Nor this aroused. It felt as if a fire was burning between her legs. And her nipples were hard and they tingled. It was as if this was the pinnacle of life.
Fuelled by her desire she began to kiss Chris more passionately. Pressing her mouth hard against his, exploring deep in his mouth with her tongue. One hand strayed down under the bed covers and felt down his shirt. Then she put her hand under it and began to feel up his chest. It was strong and rose and fell with each breath, she could feel the beating of a strong heart.
Then under her Chris began to move. His lips matched hers, and joy filled her. He was kissing her back. He moaned - but not in pleasure, more like someone waking from sleep. Then he froze. Belinda froze too, her heart suddenly heavy in her chest, like a lead weight.
All at once Chris opened his eyes and made a sound of deep disgust. Then in an awkward movement he tried to push Belinda off him and get out of bed at the same time. Belinda recoiled as if bitten by a snake.
�God, what are you doing!� Chris asked her in a shocked voice.
�I�m sorry...� Belinda felt tears welling in her eyes. All was lost, now she knew she could never be happy.
�Can�t you understand? I don�t want that, it makes me feel sick! How could you take advantage of me that way?� Chris asked. Belinda started to sob.
�But I love you.� She cried at him.
�But I don�t love you.� He replied. It was not harsh. He said it soft and kindly, but it didn�t matter. Belinda turned and fled out of the room back into her room where she threw the door closed behind her with a loud bang. She leaped face first onto her bed and buried her face in the pillow. Within a few seconds she could feel the pillow wet with tears under her face, but that didn�t matter. She cried and cried, hoping - half expecting with every second to hear Chris open her door and come to her telling her it would be all right, putting his arms around her in a warm embrace. But after an hour or two passed and he hadn�t came she eventually cried herself to sleep.
