The Only Thing Different
was there by accident accompanied by a friend of mine. The place
wasn't crowded but there was a lot of people. Everybody was busy
working. No one cared to ask me what I was doing there, or cared to even
say HI! It seemed like I was the only one doing nothing.
Being in such an atmosphere, I only watched the place and what was going on around which bothered nobody and wasn't boring for me. Until I noticed a young man. I was close enough to notice that he was being shown some work to do that wasn't too easy. Yet the instructor went on telling him what to do. He could not really follow which was embarrassing to him.
I kept watching them until our eyes met with a meaningful smile: " Can you see what he's doing to me? And he thinks he's teaching me ABC!!" " Yes, I can see it clear enough." His eyes asked and my smile replied.
I then waited till my friend finished her business and I went home. But this guy didn't just go like that. He caught my eyes and my attention for a while.
The next time I saw him was when we went out for a group supper. He was there and my attention was still with him. Yet it was increasing. Then I found out he's got a girl friend. My God, then it's not only me who's heart is occupied. For I noticed that I got his attention as well. Even when his girl friend was around. Any way, no word has been exchanged between us. Only eye contact and it's better kept that way. It's a temporary friendship, a speechless one that would end when I go home tonight! It can't be any further than that. First of all because someone very special is in my heart. Then he has also got a girl friend. Finally, we never shared a word!
For all these reasons, I was never really concerned about this young man. I expected him to be out of my mind as soon as he'd be out of my sight. And so I went home. I saw him no more. He was just someone who passed by my life and I liked him. That's all and that's it. No way of comparison between this guy and my sweetheart. It's as if comparing an actor on TV whom I admire and who exists nowhere in real life to my real love!!
But surprisingly days passed and this guy did not get off my mind. I thought about him a lot. I searched for him. May be meeting him by accident in a car next to mine or walking down the street.
I was totally confused. Torn between longing to see him, frightened to do that and the disability to recognize what kind of feeling I had while my love rested in peace. It's not always easy to recognize oneself. I felt guilty, I even doubted my feelings towards my man.
Until I was saved by my best friend. And that's what friends are really for. She explained and convinced me that those feelings I have for this guy were only because my love isn't there. And it is more possible to see this guy these days than my man. My need for my love unconsciously made me long for the most available.
That's true, very true. My man is not there for me either emotionally, mentally or physically. And at the time I need him, I find that guy in my way. How that made me feel relieved! If my love was there in any way, there would never be a vacant place for any other. But the fact was that he wasn't there and he won't be for quite some time.
I only honestly wished deep in heart to meet this guy and speak to him just to find out who was it that did all that to me. I never even spoke to him before. But still I was concerned about meeting him.
Days and months passed before I got to be at the very same place again. No doubt my eyes searched for him everywhere. He wasn't there. May be sick or on a vacation or even no more working here or in any other place in the world! I just want to see him again, not even talk! But it seemed better not to happen.
As I was walking down a corridor, some people were gathering there discussing something. He wasn't there either. When I got closer, I heard one mentioning his name. Yet, he wasn't among them. There was only one young man looking a bit like him. But certainly not him. This one was wearing strange clothes and looked unfamiliar to me. Most of all, he had a pair of very weird eyes. Totally different from the ones I've met before.
But they called him by that same unfamiliar name.
He looks like the other guy, having that very same name and working at the same place! I was shocked. What in the world made him look like that? He's completely changed! Could six or seven months make all that difference??! Even when our eyes met, I almost felt sick!!
But I think I know it this time. For the only thing different is my love! He's back into my life. He's now much more closer to me than he was six or seven months ago.
Oh, Allah! That's the reason then! Love, thirst, not being there... Oh my dear, it is you then, my love: The only thing different.
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